Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Because One of You Asked For it!

I've created a new label, SM Script, for all script snippets posted to this blog. I've also posted links to every script snippet entry below, in chronological order from top to bottom:

I'm Actually Doing it!!

THIS is the best Tuxedo Kamen motivational poster parody I could find. . .

What Follows is Boring, but Neccessary

There's Something Here For All You Dawson's Creek Lovers Out There!

Flashes V for Victory! Every week a Fantastic Story! It's Hard to Think of Things That Rhyme With "V"! She is the One Named Sailor V!

There's One Place Where I Could Have Really Easily Made A "Cat Got Your Tongue?" Joke, but I Didn't, and I'm Proud of That.

Every Day I Get in the Queue. . . To Get on the Bus That Takes Me to You.

More Rei-cism

In the Cosmological Justice System, the Universe is Represented by Two Sepearte Yet Equally Important Groups. . . CHUNG CHUNG!

Just To Be Clear, Evolution Doesn't Really Work This Way

The Same Thing We Do Every Night, Pinky. . .

I Should Not Write the Sailor Moon Movie (but I'm going to anyway. . .)

What Follows is Again Boring, but Again Neccessary

Wherein I Parody the Entire Sailor Moon Franchise in Under Five Minutes!

Did I Mention That I'm Picturing George Takei as Dr. Tomoe?

Let the Fun Begin!

I'm trying to get one of these out per day.

Did You Know That the Actress Who Played Sailor Mars in PGSM was in Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift? Well, You Do Now!

Yeah, It's Three Days Later. Whatever.

These Are Getting Shorter and Shorter. . .

The Stuff of Legend

More First Draft Badness!

Insert Your Own Witty David Lynch Reference!

I hope I haven't given too much away. . .

Why is it That So Few Saturday Morning Cartoon Villains Have a Catchy Name for Their Lairs?

You Can Use Music from Sunshine to Make Anything Badass.

You Can Also Use Music from Inception to Make Anything Badass. . . But I Won't This Time.

The "Sunshine" Post Went Over Really Well With My Mom So Here's More Music I Like

Just in Time for Mother's Day: The Ongoing Soap Opera of People Who Technically Don't Have Mothers

Yes, I HAVE Injected Backroom City Politics into your Escapist Magical Shoujo Fantasy!

No, Makoto Don't Want no Scrubs. A Scrub is a Guy Who Can't Get No Love From She.

There's actually a major plot point here! Foreshadowing! Ooooh!

They Said the F-word in the Manga Too, Y'know.

If You Start Hearing "Eye of the Tiger" in Your Head as you Read This, Then You Have Missed The Point

More Important Foreshadowing. Trust me!

This may be the shortest script snippet yet.

I'm on a Boat!

Can You Believe I Only Just Now Started Watching Battlestar Galactica?

You know, one of the first films I remember seeing in theatres was Searching for Bobby Fisher. . .

Yeah. . this'll come WAY earlier in the second draft.

I couldn't just make up an African country that didn't sound really silly. . .

The Nuances of Japanese Job Interviews = Comic Gold!

Monday, August 22, 2011

The Nuances of Japanese Job Interviews = Comic Gold!

Last time. . .

We Now Continue.

CUT TO:

EXT, Sidewalk, Day

Long shot of USAGI, sitting on the opposite end of the sidewalk from a PHONE BOOTH. Usagi’s hair has been fixed up, her uniform has been cleaned, and subtle make-up has been applied by Makoto; she wants Usagi to look good-- why, we don’t know. The sidewalk is noticeably bare of people. Inside the phone booth, we see MAKOTO talking on the phone, her hand covering the mouthpiece. She glances nervously at USAGI from time to time. USAGI, bored and anxious, looks around. She spots a BLACK CAT in the distance, walking toward her. USAGI holds her gaze on the cat—then she hears MAKOTO raising her voice angrily into the phone. After a moment, Makoto calms down, and after a few more words, hangs up the phone and opens the booth door. We now see that she is wearing a dark green dress suit.

MAKOTO

(sighs)

Sorry ‘bout that.

(beat, then gestures to the booth)

Beats a phone bill every month.

(Ed: Yeah. . . I’m just gonna forget about her cell phone. Another great/frustrating thing about first drafts.)

USAGI briefly glances toward the black cat, just in time to see it run down a back street. Usagi laughs bitterly at herself.

MAKOTO

My, uh. . .

(dissembling)

My interview’s been bumped up to noon. So. . . Whaddaya wanna do ‘till then?

USAGI

Makoto, I . . .

(beat)

Why am I coming with you, again?

MAKOTO

Well. . .

Makoto hesitates—she really doesn’t have a good answer.

MAKOTO

Usagi. . . look around.

(beat)

It’s a bad idea to be alone right now.

USAGI

Oh. Okay.

Usagi stands up.

USAGI

And. . . what, it’s a perfect day for a job interview?

MAKOTO

Look, I didn’t want to leave you sitting in the apartment, okay? And I’m not staying up there all day.

USAGI

Fine.

Usagi starts to walk off, but briefly turns around.

USAGI

Look, thanks for dinner and. . . and everything. But. . .

MAKOTO

Usagi!

(sighs)

All right-- you want to know why you’re coming with me?

(beat)

Moral support.

USAGI

(incredulous)

“Moral support”?

MAKOTO

Yeah, “moral support”!

(beat)

Can’t you tell? I’m a nervous wreck.

USAGI

. . . Makoto, I watched you fight off three people with your bare hands.

MAKOTO

Well, I can see you’ve never had to go through a Japanese job interview. Here, I’ll give you a taste.

Makoto retreats back into the phone booth. Makoto knocks on the phone booth door from the inside. Usagi has no idea what this means.

MAKOTO

(peeking through the door)

Say “come in”!

MAKOTO closes the door,

USAGI

(confused; looks around)

. . .Doozo?

MAKOTO exits the phone booth, carrying an air of Japanese feminine humility so extreme its jarring.

MAKOTO

(soft, barely audible, little eye contact)

Shitsuree itashimasu.

Makoto bows demurely. Usagi, confused, bows.

USAGI

. . . Ohayoo gozaimasu?

MAKOTO breaks character, placing her hands on her hips and pushing out her chest—a Japanese caricature of authority.

USAGI

(mimicking the gesture in confusion)

. . . O. . .hayoo?

MAKOTO

(whispering, never breaking her polite facade)

You don’t greet me.

USAGI

. . . Oh.

MAKOTO

. . . You invite me in to have a seat.

USAGI

Oh! Uh. . .

(gesturing to imaginary seat)

Doozo?

MAKOTO makes the authority figure gesture again.

MAKOTO

“Okakekudasai”!

USAGI

(hands on hips)

Okakekudasai!

MAKOTO

Shitsuree itashimasu.

Makoto gently closes the door to the phone booth, gracefully walks up to Usagi, and bows once more.

MAKOTO

. . . See, I have to apologize to you for making you invite me in--

USAGI

(abruptly)

Makoto. . .

(sighs, then seemingly upset)

What is this?

(pause)

My office is a sidewalk. This company has no future. Get out while you can.

MAKOTO breaks character and laughs, relieved to see Usagi is (slightly) better spirits.

CUT TO:

INT, Mundy Residence, Usagi’s Room

LUNA pops up from underneath Usagi’s bed to check whether she’s returned. The bed is empty.

CUT TO:

EXT, Mundy Residence, Day

LUNA walks down the lawn, taking one last look at the house. She’s torn—on the one hand, she may have finally found proof that Sailor V, the one she’s been searching for her whole life, really is still out there. On the other hand, Usagi is still missing, and Luna knows that on some levels, it’s her fault. After a moment, Luna forces herself onward.

CUT TO:

INT, Crown Arcade

With school cancelled, the arcade is packed with teenagers. MOTOKI is literally run off his feet.

MOTOKI

(to another employee)

Cancel school. Keep kids safely indoors, at home, until the state of emergency is resolved.

(beat, looks at the hordes of kids)

I think it worked.

CUT TO:

Usagi leading Makoto through the arcade.

MAKOTO

I really don’t know if I this is for me—

USAGI

You’ve gotta you’re options open! You may not get that other job.

Makoto glances sideways, as if hiding something.

USAGI

Besides. . . I got connections.

CUT TO:

Motoki at work on some chore. Usagi appears behind him.

USAGI

Motoki!

MOTOKI winces.

MOTOKI

(gritting teeth)

Oh joy.

(facing Usagi, with insincere grin)

Usagi!

USAGI

Motoki, there’s someone I want you meet.

MOTOKI

Usagi, I really am busy right--

Usagi disappears behind a video game machine.

MOTOKI

--and I’m letting this happen. That’s management material.

A second later, Usagi pulls out Makoto from behind the game machine.

USAGI

Motoki, this is Makoto Kino.

Makoto bows, putting on her feminine act. Motoki, love-struck idiot that he is, takes a moment to process the opportunity he has been handed.

MAKOTO

Shitsuree itashimasu.

MOTOKI

(abrupt)

Ah!-- Ohayoo Gozaimasu!

Motoki bows. Makoto, noticing Motoki made the same mistake as Usagi, tries not to laugh.

MOTOKI

Hajime—uh, well, we. . .

Usagi walks up behind Motoki, still facing Makoto.

MOTOKI

We’ve already. . . kind of--

USAGI

(to Motoki)

She’s young. . . energetic. . . and looking to join the workforce.

MOTOKI

That’s. . .

(claps hands)

Great! That’s really. . . yeah, we need. . . young people, with energy. . . working.

You could cut the awkwardness with a knife. Makoto pretends to look through her bag.

MAKOTO

(faking)

Ah!

(beat)

Whaddaya know. . . forgot to bring a resume!

MOTOKI

Oh, *pfft*. . . “resumes”. . .

(waves his hand)

Relics! . . . what with the. . . Facebook. . . Who needs ‘em?

Makoto glances at Usagi, standing behind Motoki. Usagi gives the thumbs up.

Monday, August 1, 2011

I couldn't just make up an African country that didn't sound really silly. . .

Last time. . .

We Now Continue.

CUT TO:

INT, Mamoru's Bedroom

Mamoru rises out of bed, peacefully. A rarity these days. He looks. . . dissappointed, somehow.

CUT TO:

INT, Mamoru's Condo, Hallway

We follow Mamoru, now in his usual sharp attire, as he walks toward the kitchen. As he goes down the hall, he passes by a large window, revealing a small but professional RECORDING STUDIO, complete with a PIANO, HUNDREDS OF RECORDS, MIXING STUDIO, the works. Now we know how the "Chiba family" makes their money.

BANDANA(V.O.)

Guess what? I have a son!

CUT TO:

INT, Kitchen

We see BANDANA talking, solemnly, into a phone down another hallway. MAMORU observes from a distance, in the kitchen.

BANDANA

(into phone)

Yeah. . . didn't see that one coming, did you? Mamo-- that's his name, Mamoru--

(sighs)

-- well, he was in a car wreck, and--

MAMORU takes a look around the kitchen-- it's a mess. There are dirty dishes and pieces of garbage everywhere. He starts to pick up some of the garbage. He's sullen-- this isn't what he wanted to do with his morning.

BANDANA

(into phone)

. . . well, it's a long story, but. . . I adopted him!

(pause)

Listen, there's something I really--

(Pause-- we can barely hear a voice from the other end now)

Hello? . . . Shingo?

MAMORU stops and turns toward BANDANA.

BANDANA

(into phone)

Shingo! Hi!

(pause)

No. . . no, Shingo, please--

(pause-- then crying)

Don't do this, please! I need to--

We hear a click. Bandana, looking as if she's been punched in the stomach, slowly hangs up the phone and walks off, without noticing Mamoru. Not having any idea what to do, Mamoru goes back to picking up the pieces.

CUT TO:

INT, Living Room

Mamour sits down on the couch, and takes a look at his watch.

MAMORU

(whispering)

Dammit!

Mamoru starts putting on his socks when--

HINO(O.S.)

Who was that?

MAMORU turns around, shocked to see TAKASHI HINO, cabinet minister and father to his girldfriend, standing in his living room, smoking a cigarette.

HINO

(gesturing to hallway)

On the phone. Who was she talking to?

HINO slumps onto the couch.

MAMORU

Oh, that, I. . . I wouldn't, uh. . .wait, what are you doing here?

HINO turns on the TV.

HINO

Hell, you wouldn't know, would you.

MAMORU

Why you're here, or --?

HINO

(looking at Mamoru's socks, changing the subject)

School's cancelled today.

(sarcastic)

In light of the tragedy.

HINO flips through channels. Most of the channels are playing footage of Tokyo Big Sight.

HINO

Christ. You just can't escape it.

Suddenly, the channel flipping stops. We see a shot of a crystal shard-- one that bears resemblance to the crystal we saw in the CRYSTAL CHAMBER.

REACTION SHOT of Mamoru-- he recognizes that shard from his dreams. (Just go with it)

HINO

(to BANDANA)

Good morning, sunshine!

MAMORU turns to see BANDANA standing in the hallway. Her forced smile can hardly conceal her fuming rage.

BANDANA

Good morning, Mamo-kun.

(to Hino)

Minister.

HINO

"Minister?"

Hino points to Mamoru, who's torn between the TV screen and the soap opera unfolding before his eyes.

HINO

(sarcastically)

Oh. . . I get it. THIS why you asked me to leave at six in the damn morning.

BANDANA, about to explode, turns and walks back down the hall.

HINO

(yelling down the hall)

You called me!

(beat, then raises the remote)

Jeeze!

Hino is about to change the channel, just another image of the crystal shard comes onto the screen. Mamoru, as if snapping out of a trance, stops him.

MAMORU

Wait!

HINO

(indignant)

What?

MAMORU fixates on the screen, as if it holds the meaning of life itself. Hino looks back and fourth between Hino and the screen.

HINO

You recognize it?

(beat)

Mamoru?

At that moment, we hear a J-poppy tune being played on a piano in the background.

HINO

I guess Rei must've told you about it, huh?

(beat)

That. . . is the Imperial Silver Crystal.

Mamoru snaps his head toward Hino.

HINO

(looking back into the hall)

Incredible. She leaves the door to her sound-proofed studio wide open while she plays the piano. THAT, Mamoru, is a lesson in feminine subtlety.

MAMORU

Wait-- THAT'S the Imperial Silver Crystal?

HINO

Oh, yeah. One of the national treasures of Sierra Lione. Imperial-- . . . or Imperium. No-one seems to be quite sure what it's called.

MAMORU

You said. . . Rei told me?

HINO

Didn't she?

(beat)

Well, that's where you're going on Friday night. You, me, Rei, and some of Japan's most powerful men, will be the honoured guests as "Princess Diamond" herself--

(quieter, sarcastic)

--that's what all the lefty do-gooders call her--

(loud again)

-- presents the Imperial Silver Crystal to a group of Japanese researchers.

MAMORU looks at the TV again. Suddenly, things are starting to make sense. Then--

REI

Dad?

Mamoru turns to find REI standing in the living room, shocked to find her father at Mamoru's place. We then turn to Hino. He's shocked to find her there too. For a moment, he loses his sense of smug composure.

REI

What are you doing here, Dad?

Hino's shocked appearance doesn't last. He turns to MAMORU.

HINO

Well. . . You're up to your eyes in Hinos today, aren't you?

(pause)

Wait--

(turns to REI)

How did YOU get in here, anyway?

CUT TO:

INT, Hallway Outside Mamoru's Condo

MAMORU and REI in the hallway.

MAMORU

You could've buzzed, Rei.

REI slams the door shut, still disgusted at what she saw.

MAMORU

So what's going on?

REI

I need a witness.

REI starts down the hallway.

MAMORU

Wait, what?

REI stops and turns around.

REI

I need someone to follow me, to see everything that I do and everything that I see, and tell me that I'm NOT completely insane.

MAMORU

(sarcastically)

Oh, sure. This is all incredibly sane.

REI continues on her way.

MAMORU

Rei, I can't just--

MAMORU glances back toward the door, and thinks twice about whether he really wants to stay in the same apartment as BANADA and HINO this morning.

MAMORU

(sighs)

Jesus, wait up.
 
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