Usagi Tsukino reacts to Jeremy's Sailor Moon Screenplay.
Seriously though, I've gotten a lot of positive feedback for the first piece of my Sailor Moon screenplay, and I want to thank everyone who has commented or even just read this series up to now.
I've decided to get started on how I would handle Mamoru Chiba. As I mentioned in the comments for Part #7, I'm planning to do both a character sketch and another piece (maybe two!) of the screenplay. As a result of this, I may have to divide Mamoru Chiba's section into two parts.
Until then, I thought I would mention a few things I'd like to change in the first part of the screenplay. Even though I thought I had a pretty solid idea of how I wanted to structure the first part, upon reflection there are a few things I'd change. These changes would mostly be in the form of additions to what's already present. I wanted to mention these changes because they'll play a part in the screenplay chunk that I'll be writing for Part #8.
There are two main changes:
1) The "Luna-sense." I originally thought that it was best to leave the implementation of the Luna-sense to the director, but then I thought that I could describe it in more detail. Here's what I would do differently.
I think that the Luna-sense should be more visual, and should communicate things to the viewer in a way that gives him/her a better idea of what Luna is perceiving. For example, in the blood clinic when Luna detects the former presense of whatever was there, we'll see discoloured fumes (indicating odor-- I'll explain that in a minute) and faint animal tracks, and hear grotesque animal sounds, hinting at the nature of the beast. This is just an initial idea, and as such is subject to further revision and thought. The main reason I wanted to introduce this idea has to do mainly with the person who I would want to direct a Sailor Moon movie, which I'll discuss in more detail in a later part.
Speaking of the beast. . .
2) The "Youma"
(Note: the reasons for putting "Youma" in quotation marks have to do with the villain of my movie, whose identity you may already have figured out from the script)
After thinking about it, I realized that not enough explanation is really given for why a "youma" would just happen to strike at the very place Luna is living. I also realized that the villains would probably want to keep tabs on the clinic, without neccessarily remaining there themselves. So, I decided to make the following changes:
- Between the last scene in the blood clinic and the train scene, insert a scene of. . . "something," sitting in the shadows. "Something" will make low animal noises, like a dog, and will also take long breaths with its "nose," indicating that it it follows scent. We'll see Luna leave the clinic as this happens.
- After Luna has returned to the mansion, insert a scene showing "something" following the train tracks on which Luna travelled, indicating that "something" is following Luna, or at least her scent.
- Show Jessy first entering the Mansion from "something's" perspective.
"Something" will have difficulty breathing at this point, for reasons as yet left unknown.
- Insert a scene showing that "something" has gotten its hands on a cat. It'll be behind a fence, so we won't see which cat it is or what happens to it.
- After the "Rhett Butler" scene, show Jessy coming down the stairs. She'll see an animal on the ground, and talk to it like it's any other animal. We'll only see Jessy from waist up, so we won't know what she's talking to. After a few seconds, Jessy will see something off camera that worrys her. Then she'll feel something wrong. . .
- After Luna comes down stairs, insert a scene of Luna in the background, and an emaciated dog, unseen by Luna, in the foreground. The dog is of the same breed as the one in the blood clinic.
- Finally, change the opening dialogue to include reference to "something."
More changes, undoubtably, will come. But in the meantime, I have a screenplay to finish.
3 comments:
Write more!!!
I am!!!
I'm sorry to hear about your car, brother.
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