Showing posts with label He Panned it Now He Sucks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label He Panned it Now He Sucks. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

More Saving. More. . . er, we'll get back to you.

Back in fall of 2005, I briefly worked as a salesman at Home Depot. Briefly, as in two weeks.

That summer, I had gotten a temporary job at Save On Foods, stocking shelves as part of an inventory reorganizing at two Save On Foods locations. It was the first "real" job I ever had (I had done some earlier part time work at an photo editing company run from the home of a family friend) and once I got over a few of the hiccups involved in working retail (like, um, people) I actually quite enjoyed it. So with school-- and tuition and textbook payments-- coming up, I was thrilled when I was hired to work as a salesman at the recently opened Home Depot.

Two weeks later, I quit. Officially, the reason I left Home Depot was because I was hired as a physics lab instructor at the university. But honestly, I probably could have stayed on at Home Depot while also studying and teaching lab. The real reason I left is because I hated the job.

The problem I always had with looking back at my time at Home Depot was that I could never decide whether it was that I sucked as Home Depot employee or that Home Depot sucked as a workplace. One the one hand,  I've never been the most socially graceful, and lack of social grace can be a detriment when half of your job is basically "talk to people and convince them to buy things". Plus, I've never been particularly inclined toward home repair and maintenance, despite/because of my upbringing. So, given my proclivity toward second-guessing myself (see the Family Guy/Star Trek II debacle), and given the fact that I was never again able to get a "real" job (i.e. outside UNBC), a part of me believed that I was simply not cut out for "real" work.

On the other hand, though. . . Home Depot kinda sucked. When I was hired, I was assigned to kitchen and bathroom sales-- as many put it, "selling toilets." Fine, I thought as the interview ended. I mean, I know next to nothing about kitchen- and bathroom-ware, but come on, they must assume that, right? They saw my resume, they know what level of home repair background I'm coming from, right? I'll get all the training I need. No sweat.

It turns out that "training" amounted to watching a few hours or useless video-- one of which was all about avoiding back injury by, you know, being careful 'n stuff, another of which was all about Home Depot's program to provide support for employees competing in the Olympics because hey that so applies to us!-- followed by us new workers being thrown out on to the floor and told to help customers. I'm serious. Right after "training", the new employees kicked out of the employee lounge and literally told "you have ten minutes to go out and help these customers", otherwise known as the "learn to swim by drowning" approach.

For the next two weeks, I tried as well as I could to learn the ropes. My immediate supervisor, a former soldier, was a nice enough boss, and I managed to get some stocking work done from time to time, but it wasn't enough to compensate for the systematic problems of working at Home Depot. First, there was lack of training-- one thing that sticks out is one time when, despite having received no formal instruction in how to sell kitchen and bathroom-ware (even info that I could study on my own time), I was told during my third day at work to take off my "In Training" pin, which in addition to being the fracking truth was also my one safety net in dealing with often nerved out customers. Another was the unpredictable hours-- despite assurances that I could work around my class schedule, my work hours more than once overlapped with a class period. I was able to talk to someone to get the hours changed those first couple of times, but I wondered how long I could keep doing that. Yet another problem was the fact I would sometimes get temporarily "transferred" to another store department, like electrical or plumbing or lumber; it was hard enough learning to function in the department in which I was supposed to be working without being thrown into a completely different one. This last problem, undoubtedly, springs from what one good-natured customer described as the Home Depot Experience: "Sixteen hundred square feet, four employees." I knew he was exaggerating, but even at the time, it didn't seem like much of an exaggeration.

And now, today, seven years after I quit, I find official acknowledgement of the Home Depot Experience, in nothing less than The New Yorker:
When Bob Nardelli took over Home Depot, in 2000, he reduced the number of salespeople on the floor and turned many full-time jobs into part-time ones. In the process, he turned Home Depot stores into cavernous wastelands, with customers wandering around dejectedly trying to find an aproned employee, only to discover that he had no useful advice to offer. The company’s customer-service ratings plummeted, and its sales growth stalled.
You can read the whole article, which discusses the business advantages retailers have found not cutting fucking corners in floor personnel, here.

As for me, I finally feel some relief about my Home Depot Experience. Or is that Schadenfreude?

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Actual Idea I Had for April Fools Day Post, Part I

I Can't Stress Enough How Actual This Actual Idea Was. . .

I Should Write the Shitty Family Guy Parody of Star Trek II:


You know I'm really trying because I'm not at all trying!

*********************************************************************************

Family Guy Presents: KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!


by Jeremy K.

A Parody of Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan by Harve Bennett, Jack B. Sowards, Nicholas Meyer, and
Samuel A. Peeples, and Family Guy, created by Seth MacFarlane.

EXT. NIGHT, Griffin House, Establishing Shot.

CUT TO:

INT, Living Room. WS on GRIFFIN FAMILY-- PETER, LOIS, CHRIS, MEG, STEWIE, and BRIAN-- sitting on the couch watching TV. Suddenly, POWER GOES OUT.

GRIFFIN FAMILY

(grumbling)

Aw man! What the hell! This sucks! (etc., etc.)

PETER

(abruptly)

Too bad there aren't any more Star Wars movies.

LOIS

(surprised)

. . . what?

PETER

Nah, I'm just saying, it sucks that there are no more Star Wars movies. You know, after the first three films, it's like George Lucas just sorta gave up and, y'know, rested on his laurels.

CHRIS

Uh, Dad--

PETER

-- and it wouldn't even bother me as much if it weren't-- I mean, there's just so much back story, so much mythology that we were only given the faintest glimpse of. Like-- like how did Darth Vader become Darth Vader, you know?

BRIAN

Uh, Peter--

PETER

I mean, that alone could have probably sustained a whole new trilogy in and of itself!

(beat)

Anyway, this random-and-yet-strangely-familiar blackout brought that to mind for some reason.
You were saying?

MEG

Dad, they did--

LOIS

(interrupting)

It's nothing, Peter.

PETER

No no no no, no, it's okay, go ahead.

MEG

(catching on)

Oh, uh, Mom's right, it's nothing.

LOIS

Unimportant.

STEWIE

Totally only three Star Wars movies.

BRIAN

(fake anger)

Yeah, only three DAMN IT but on the other hand unspoiled memories childhood dreams all that jazz.

CHRIS

Yes sir-rie. Never know. . . what could have. . . (trails off)

PETER eyes everyone suspiciously.

PETER

Are you hiding something from me?

Everyone else is silent.

PETER

Lois!


LOIS

(reluctant)

Peter. . .

BRIAN

Look, Peter, sometimes ignorance really is bliss.

PETER

(realizing what he's discovered)

Oh my God! There's new Star Wars! That. . . that's amazing!

STEWIE

It's not. It's really not.

PETER

(leaps off the couch)

I-I gotta find this! New Star Wars!

(sing-yelling)

STAR WARS! GIVE ME THEM STAR WARS!

(runs off screen-- we continue to hear him after he's gone)

NOTHING BUT STAR WARS! DON'T LET THEM--

CUT TO TITLE ON BLACK

TITLE

One savaged and molested innocence later.

CUT TO:

INT, WS of FAMILY on couch. PETER has returned. He is frozen with rage. After a tense couple of seconds--

LOIS

(gently)

. . . Peter--

PETER SCREAMS and PUNCHES MEG OFF THE COUCH.

PETER

(screaming)

WE'RE DOING STAR TREK II!

PETER breaks down and sobs.

*********************************************************************************

We open on pure black. Then--

TITLE

The 23rd Century. . .

TITLE flies off screen. Then, another TITLE--

TITLE

Which is to say, the twenty-two hundreds. . .

TITLE flies off screen. Then, another TITLE. The scene continues on like this.

TITLE

I mean seriously, what's up with that? . . . Like, how did twenty THIRD century suddenly mean the twenty TWO hundreds, you know? It's crazy! . . . Probably the same morons who said the new millennium begins in 2001, and not 2000. . . Assholes. . .

CUT TO:

INT. Enterprise Bridge, VWS-- The bridge is a mess. Alarms blare, consoles are blown out, support beams have collapsed, fires rage, and crew-members' bodies-- including those of SPOCK(BRIAN), McCOY(DR. HARTMAN), SULU(QUAGMIRE), and UHURA(LORETTA)-- are sprawled about. Only SAAVIK (MEG) remains in her post at the captain's chair. Then, a BRIGHT LIGHT fills the room. SAAVIK, despondent, stands at attention.

CUT TO:

WS, VIEW SCREEN, parting open. We now realize that the "bridge" is just a mock up. In silhouette, bathed in light from the outside, we see CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK (PETER) walk on to the bridge.

SAAVIK

Any suggestions, Admiral?

KIRK

Prayer, Mr. Saavik. That, and not sucking.

(to Spock)

Captain?


SPOCK

(opens eyes)

Trainees to the briefing room.


The rest of the "dead" crew stand up and brush themselves off and leave. McCOY is about to leave, but is stopped by Kirk.

KIRK

Physician--

(comedy beat, ZOOM IN to ECU of KIRK, smirking)

Heal Thyself.

Cut to CU of McCoy.

MCCOY

Fuck you.

Cut to TWO SHOT of KIRK and SAAVIK, with MCCOY walking out of frame.

SAAVIK

Permission to speak candidly, sir?

KIRK

(contemptuously)

Very well.

SAAVIK

(fighting emotion)

I don't believe this was a fair test of my abili--

KIRK

(mocking, whiny)

Wah, wah, wai don't fink dis waws  fair test of my-- Suck it up, Saavik! If it's so unfair, how come I managed to beat it?

SAAVIK

(loses it)

Because you cheated, you ass!

KIRK

(cocky, self-inflated)

Yeah, I guess it is kinda cheating to be so awesome!


SAAVIK

No, you idiot! You hacked into the simulation and re-programmed it to--!

KIRK

(as Saavik goes on)

But I guess that's just how I roll: saving the galaxy by the seat of my pants, always coming out on top-- in more ways than one!


Suddenly, the FRESH PRINCE WILL SMITH  jumps into frame.

WILL SMITH

If you know what I'm sayin'!


Just as suddenly, FRESH PRINCE WILL SMITH jumps out of frame.

KIRK

We do, Ensign Fresh Prince. We do.

SAAVIK

-- the only reason you weren't kicked out of the acad--!

KIRK

(talking just to hear his own voice at this point)

You see, unlike some people, James Kirk doesn't lose, and James Kirk doesn't make mistakes! 'Cause if he did, at least one of those mistakes would almost certainly have come back to bite him in the ass by now, and they haven't. Quid pro quo.

SAAVIK

That's QED, moron!

KIRK

Yup, never makes mistakes! None whatsoever.

CUT TO:

INT, WS Enterprise bridge. A FLASHBACK-- Spock, in a blue old-style uniform, sits in the captain's chair. Spock checks his watch, and then presses a button on the captain's chair, activating a communicator.

SPOCK

(into communicator)

Bridge to Captain. Spock here. Uh, it's been six months. Should we set course to Ceti Alpha V and check up on Khan, sir?

CUT TO:

INT, WS of KIRK'S BEDROOM. KIRK, in his familiar TORN UNIFORM, stands at the head of the bed, while a GREEN SKINNED ORION WOMAN lies in the bed, holding a DAGGER. The AMOK TIME FIGHT MUSIC plays in the background.

KIRK

(beat, then into hand communicator)

Yeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. . . let's do that tomorrow.

SPOCK

(through communicator)


Aye aye, sir.

KIRK closes communicator.

KIRK

(to ORION WOMAN)

Say it again.


ORION WOMAN

(sexy)

May I say that I have not thoroughly enjoyed serving with humans?


KIRK

(aroused)

Ohhh yeah.


ORION WOMAN

I find their illogic and foolish emotions a constant-- wait, who am I supposed to be again? 'Cause this feels weird.

We CUT TO:

EXT, Outer space, an exterior shot of a barren, desert planet. We hold as the STARSHIP RELIANT flies into frame from behind, heading toward the planet. We then hear a LOG from CHEKOV (TIM THE BEAR from The Cleveland Show).

CHEKOV(V.O.)

Starship Log, Stardate 8130.4. This report classified MOST SECRET. Log Entry by Commander Pavel Chekov, Duty Officer. We are continuing our search for a lifeless planet which will serve as a suitable test site for the Genesis experiment.

CUT TO: Two shot of CHEKOV, at the science station, and CAPTAIN TERRELL (CLEVELAND).

CHEKOV

Does it have to be completely lifeless?

TERRELL

Don't tell me you got something?

CHEKOV

I suppose it could be a piece of preanimate matter caught in the matrix.

TERRELL

You mean like Tyler Lautner?

CHEKOV

. . . what?

(beat)

Why on Earth did you say that?

TERRELL

. . . I have no idea.

CHEKOV

What a weird, random thing to say!

TERRELL

And hurtful, too!

CHEKKOV

Yes, very hurtful! Tyler Lautner has worked hard for his success!

TERRELL

Yes, yes, of course! Oh wow. . . yeah, just forget I said that and we'll beam down to the surface.

CUT TO:

EXT, Planet Surface. WS of a barren desert. Sandstorms so strong they block out everything more than a few metres away. TERRELL and CHEKOV BEAM DOWN, wearing environment suits. They spot something, and we PAN LEFT to reveal a CRASHED SHIP-- the BOTANY BAY.

CUT TO:

INT, Botany Bay Main Room, WS. A hatch opens, and TERRELL AND CHEKOV ENTER.

CUT TO:

INT, Khan's Room, CU on a BOOKSHELF. CHEKOV enters the room and approaches the bookshelf. We PAN to look at the books as CHEKOV does, with CHEKOV still remaining in shot.

CHEKOV

Infinite Jest, Bridget Jones' Diary,  Primary Colors. . . The Vagina Monologues?! Why, these were all published in nineteen ninety--

ECU on CHEKOV as he makes a horrifying realization.

CHEKOV

Oh no!


CUT TO:

INT, Main Room. CHEKOV runs up to TERRELL and GRABS him by the arm.

CHEKOV

We have to go!

TERRELL

What's the matter-- ?

CHEKOV

Now! Damn! Hurry!

CUT TO:

EXT. Botany Bay Hatch, Two Shot of CHEKOV and TERRELL as they come out the hatch. They're about to flee, but they see something that stops them in their tracks. We PAN 180 degrees to reveal. . . A FUCKING SANDWORM, complete with the ELECTRIC GUITAR MUSIC FROM DUNE! A couple dozen men and women in black clothing, KHAN'S SOLDIERS, run alongside the beast. We then--

CUT TO:

FS shot of KHAN-- played, of course, by STEWIE-- riding the sandworm.

CUT TO:

CHEKOV and TERRELL, who know they are fucked.

To be continued. . .



Monday, February 14, 2011

Valentine's Day-- 'Cause Nothing Says "Love" Quite Like A Holiday Named After a Catholic Priest Who Had His Head Cut Off.

On this, that highest of high fabricated giftcard non-holy days, let us remember that love is evolution's way of making sure Daddy sticks around just long enough to help raise the kids.



Cynicism on Valentine's Day. . . I'll bet no-one's ever thought of THAT before!

Saturday, January 15, 2011

And Yes, I AM Linking to This Post on my Facebook. Ponder the Irony Profound.

So, yeah. . . The Social Network.

The short review: It's good. The look-- aside from a few pointlessly overstylized scenes, like the rowing race-- is solid, which is a given for a David Fincher film. Likewise, Aaron Sorkin's script is expectedly witty and well-paced, though it is hampered somewhat by the fact that it is so obviously an Aaron Sorkin script (i.e. everyone talks like the movie is in fast forward-- not bad in and of itself, but again an obvious Sorkin tic).

My biggest problem with the movie really has nothing to do with the execution, but with the concept-- specifically, the film expects us, the audience, to believe that Facebook really is as revolutionary and innovative as everyone in the films says it is. But, speaking only for myself. . . I don't believe it. I'll admit that I came pretty late to Facebook (indeed, for years I made a point of avoiding it), so maybe I had to be there as it was unfolding to really appreciate it. Nevertheless, to me Facebook is little more than a glorified bulletin board, it's only real importance stemming from the very fact that "everyone's doing it," and not from what's actually being done. Maybe that is what it comes down to, but then what exactly is revolutionary and innovative about the fact that people mostly do what other people do?

Indeed, the film's insistence on the brilliance of Facebook was the one thing about the film that nearly caused me to dislike it. Despite of its obviously negative portrayal of Mark Zuckerberg, the film feels like blatantly pro-Facebook propaganda. This is especially disappointing considering it's pretty brilliant theatrical trailer, which suggested more of an examination of the Facebook phenomenon:



What we get instead is another "paradigm-shifting genius turns out to be kind of a dick" story, and you can do that story with all kinds of paradigm shifting genius dicks. How 'bout "The Physical Postulate," the story of how Albert Einstein discovered the theory of relativity-- and in the process sold out his best friend, Marcel Grossman (before you cry foul regarding the accuracy, remember what film we're talking about here).

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Proof that "Statistical Analysis" is Just Another Buzzword

When writing about Tuxedo Kamen and How Sailor Moon is like The Breakfast Club:


I write like
Stephen King

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!




When writing about Ami Mizuno:


I write like
Vladimir Nabokov

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!




(which is kinda creepy if you think about it. . .)

When writing about a fateful wrong turn and how bad I thought the new Star Trek movie was gonna be:


I write like
Dan Brown

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!




When writing about how bad it actually did turn about to be:


I write like
Douglas Adams

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!




When writing about America:


I write like
Kurt Vonnegut

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!




When writing about SCIENCE!:


I write like
Edgar Allan Poe

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!





When writing about Dr. Tomoe, Rei, Makoto, and extremely dated political satire:


I write like
H. P. Lovecraft

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!




For comparison, an excerpt from "The Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath" by H.P. Lovecraft. I'll let you make up your own mind:

Three times Randolph Carter dreamed of the marvellous city, and three times was he snatched away while still he paused on the high terrace above it. All golden and lovely it blazed in the sunset, with walls, temples, colonnades, and arched bridges of veined marble, silver-basined fountains of prismatic spray in broad squares and perfumed gardens, and wide streets marching between delicate trees and blossom-laden urns and ivory statues in gleaming rows; while on steep northward slopes climbed tiers of red roofs and old peaked gables harbouring little lanes of grassy cobbles. It was a fever of the gods; a fanfare of supernal trumpets and a clash of immortal cymbals. Mystery hung about it as clouds about a fabulous unvisited mountain; and as Carter stood breathless and expectant on that balustraded parapet there swept up to him the poignancy and suspense of almost-vanished memory, the pain of lost things, and the maddening need to place again what once had an awesome and momentous place.

He knew that for him its meaning must once have been supreme; though in what cycle or incarnation he had known it, or whether in dream or in waking, he could not tell. Vaguely it called up glimpses of a far, forgotten first youth, when wonder and pleasure lay in all the mystery of days, and dawn and dusk alike strode forth prophetick to the eager sound of lutes and song; unclosing faery gates toward further and surprising marvels. But each night as he stood on that high marble terrace with the curious urns and carven rail and looked off over that hushed sunset city of beauty and unearthly immanence, he felt the bondage of dream’s tyrannous gods; for in no wise could he leave that lofty spot, or descend the wide marmoreal flights flung endlessly down to where those streets of elder witchery lay outspread and beckoning.


Link.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Update on Sailor Moon and Things

Hi Everyone,

It's now been one month and five days since the last piece of the Sailor Moon script was posted, and the next part is no-where near finished. So, instead of trying to rush things, and in the process present something that's not really all that good (which may have actually been the case with Part #4, given the lack of comments), I thought instead that I would give an update as to what's going on in my life in general, and to reassure you that Sailor Moon: The Movie Part #5 is slow coming, but it's a comin'.

First off. . .

1) What did everyone think of Lost finale?

Did you watch Lost? Did you start it, but give up on it near the middle of Season 3 like I almost did? Did you like the finale, or hate it?

Me? I liked it. (Warning: if you don't watch Lost, you would probably be better off skipping to part 2) Given all the questions that the show raised throughout it's six years, and the fact that it's grand narrative really wasn't planned from the beginning but was basically patched together at the end of third season once ABC and the producers decided upon a three year ending plan, I think the writers actually resolved quite a bit. True, much of this resolution came in the form of some pretty heavy-handed exposition, and involved a few elements that feel extracted from the creative rear end (The Island is now the source of all life, which we symbolise with this bright warm light which you must NEVER TOUCH or it will turn you into a smoke moster. . . or does it? WE HAVE SPOKEN!). And yes, I personally would have liked to have learned a bit more about what happened to the Island children, namely, Aaron, Ji Yeon, and that massive dangling plot thread, Walt. But still, as much of a cop-out as it is to say "they weren't going to explain EVERYTHING". . . well, they weren't, and they couldn't. Instead, they opted for an ending that yielded emotional closure, if not narrative closure. Almost everyone* got a happy ending (and I mean Disney happy), and the original motivation of the series-- getting everyone who is still alive and who still wants to leave off of The Island-- has been met.

*The absence of Michael from the finale is notable, given both those who DO return (Shannon and Boone?! Seriously?) and the presence of Ben, someone whose actions have been FAR more evil than Michael's. Something to chew on I guess. . .

Anyway, the reason I mention Lost is that during the final season I've realized just how much of my approach to Sailor Moon has been inspired by Lost. . . I won't specify as of yet, but as the script rolls on, those who have watched Lost will probably start to see the connections.

2) I'm convocating this week!

This Friday, May 28th, I will officially be a Master of Science. Okay, this isn't really news. Ever since I passed by thesis defence, you've all known that I'm going to be getting my master's degree. Still, this week it becomes official. The parchment will be in my hand. And with that out of the way. . .

3) I'm finally going to submit my Visa application to go to Japan.

After a full year of saving up money, learning Japanese, and waiting to recieve my degree, I will be submitting my working holiday visa application in June. Then, hopefully within that month, the application will be approved and I'll be off to Japan.

Obviously, going to Japan will have major ramifications for the script. For one, I'll actually be able to interact with Japanese people, which certainly helps when ninety percent of the characters in your screenplay are Japanese. Additionally, simply being in Tokyo will surely help the script come to life. Seeing the place, hearing it, hell, even smelling it, will be a great aide to my imagination, which until now has been the only thing I've relied upon for my writing. That, and more reruns of Sailor Moon S than any man should be allowed to consume in a given week.

And finally. . .

4) Sailor Moon: The Movie Part #5 IS COMING

. . . just not soon. I already said this, but I feel it needs to be stressed. I've seen many people start up blogs, or other projects, only to let them just peter away. If anyone is still reading this, I want you to know that I've not given up. . . I'm just trying to work through writers block. I'm eagerly await the day when the first draft is finished. . . so I can start up the second draft and fix up all the mistakes I made in the first draft.

Unitl next time. . .

Thursday, January 28, 2010

This is How I Deal with Getting in a Car Accident. . . (I'll explain later)

Reasons Why I Should Write the Sailor Moon Movie #7.5: Rewrites!



Usagi Tsukino reacts to Jeremy's Sailor Moon Screenplay.

Seriously though, I've gotten a lot of positive feedback for the first piece of my Sailor Moon screenplay, and I want to thank everyone who has commented or even just read this series up to now.

I've decided to get started on how I would handle Mamoru Chiba. As I mentioned in the comments for Part #7, I'm planning to do both a character sketch and another piece (maybe two!) of the screenplay. As a result of this, I may have to divide Mamoru Chiba's section into two parts.

Until then, I thought I would mention a few things I'd like to change in the first part of the screenplay. Even though I thought I had a pretty solid idea of how I wanted to structure the first part, upon reflection there are a few things I'd change. These changes would mostly be in the form of additions to what's already present. I wanted to mention these changes because they'll play a part in the screenplay chunk that I'll be writing for Part #8.

There are two main changes:

1) The "Luna-sense." I originally thought that it was best to leave the implementation of the Luna-sense to the director, but then I thought that I could describe it in more detail. Here's what I would do differently.

I think that the Luna-sense should be more visual, and should communicate things to the viewer in a way that gives him/her a better idea of what Luna is perceiving. For example, in the blood clinic when Luna detects the former presense of whatever was there, we'll see discoloured fumes (indicating odor-- I'll explain that in a minute) and faint animal tracks, and hear grotesque animal sounds, hinting at the nature of the beast. This is just an initial idea, and as such is subject to further revision and thought. The main reason I wanted to introduce this idea has to do mainly with the person who I would want to direct a Sailor Moon movie, which I'll discuss in more detail in a later part.

Speaking of the beast. . .

2) The "Youma"

(Note: the reasons for putting "Youma" in quotation marks have to do with the villain of my movie, whose identity you may already have figured out from the script)

After thinking about it, I realized that not enough explanation is really given for why a "youma" would just happen to strike at the very place Luna is living. I also realized that the villains would probably want to keep tabs on the clinic, without neccessarily remaining there themselves. So, I decided to make the following changes:

- Between the last scene in the blood clinic and the train scene, insert a scene of. . . "something," sitting in the shadows. "Something" will make low animal noises, like a dog, and will also take long breaths with its "nose," indicating that it it follows scent. We'll see Luna leave the clinic as this happens.

- After Luna has returned to the mansion, insert a scene showing "something" following the train tracks on which Luna travelled, indicating that "something" is following Luna, or at least her scent.

- Show Jessy first entering the Mansion from "something's" perspective.
"Something" will have difficulty breathing at this point, for reasons as yet left unknown.

- Insert a scene showing that "something" has gotten its hands on a cat. It'll be behind a fence, so we won't see which cat it is or what happens to it.

- After the "Rhett Butler" scene, show Jessy coming down the stairs. She'll see an animal on the ground, and talk to it like it's any other animal. We'll only see Jessy from waist up, so we won't know what she's talking to. After a few seconds, Jessy will see something off camera that worrys her. Then she'll feel something wrong. . .

- After Luna comes down stairs, insert a scene of Luna in the background, and an emaciated dog, unseen by Luna, in the foreground. The dog is of the same breed as the one in the blood clinic.

- Finally, change the opening dialogue to include reference to "something."

More changes, undoubtably, will come. But in the meantime, I have a screenplay to finish.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Well. . . I guess this means I'm going to Tokyo.



I sent an application for the JET program again this year. I applied to the program once before, and was interviewed last year. I documented that experience here. I just heard back from the Japanese embassy, and the good news is that I won't have to go through it again.

I was rejected, flat out. This is strange to me, since I thought my prospects would have improved. By the time of my second application, I had successfully defended my master's thesis (with a clear pass, something which only one other grad student in physics had accomplished at UNBC) and satisfied all of my dgeree requirements-- in other words, the only thing standing between me and a MSc degree was a silly robe and a long, boring ceremony. Not only that, I had been taking courses in Japanese course, and even got a letter of recommendation from my prof (I guess a measly 99.5% grade just doesn't cut it for JET). Plus, I had been doing teaching work as a supplementary instructor for a physics course, which added to the lab teaching experience I already had.

So what the hell happened? Did the poor economy result in less teaching positions? Did they decide they weren't going to give a one time semi-reject (I made it to on to the alternate list) like me a second chance? Did I bungle the application in some way that I managed to avoid doing last time? Did they somehow manage to find my blog and discover all the nasty things I've been saying about certain Japanese politicians? Honestly, the confusion that arises from being rejected despite being a stronger candidate is actually less distressing than the rejection itself.

Why? Well, first off, being rejected means I can leave for Japan sooner. If I were accepted, I would be waiting around until August before flying off. Second, it means I can go to Tokyo-- you don't even mention the word Tokyo on the application form for JET-- and that, to say the least, will be an adventure.

But ultimately, what it comes down to is that I don't need JET. I chose JET because I thought it offered the path of least resistance to getting to Japan. We all know now how well that idea turned out. On top of that, I'm a master of fucking science. A government position teaching English in some podunk high school in Asscrack prefecture is-- and I don't say this often-- beneath me.

(Gosh, that didn't sound bitter at all!)

I'm still willing to tutor English, don't get me wrong. I may even take a TESOL course before I leave. Until then, I'll keep saving up my money, kicking ass in Japanese. . .

. . . and writing the motherfucking Sailor Moon movie. That's right! You thought that just this once I wasn't gonna mention my little pet project. Well, think again! This is my new thesis, people. Only this time, I'll actually enjoy writing it!

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Pop Quiz, or Maybe More of a Survey:

Please choose one of the four answers below.

Jeremy didn't like E.T. beacuse:

A) Having long ago lost any semblance of childhood innocence and wonder, he is fundamentally incapable of understanding an allegory of childhood bonding and loss. As such he is, like many jaded cynics, utterly perplexed by the subtleties of a movie that speaks in a deep language of emotions, though any child can pick up on those same subtleties with ease.

B) E.T. is an overratted sacred cow featuring a cast of cold, detached and uninvolving actors essentially improvising their way through a long string of non-sequiters trying to pass itself off as a plot, and whose success or (in this case) failure as a film hinges on the audience's ability to empathize with a puppet that makes Yoda look look fucking Gollum, as well as on their willingness to pretend the John Williams isn't peddling a slightly re-written version of Holst's Jupiter Suite.

C) All of the above.

D) None of the above.


Oh, and if I hear any "Man, that's rich coming from the guy who wants to write the Sailor Moon movie" I will fucking end you.
 
Locations of visitors to this page