What? You Wanna Live Forever?

This is a post of farewells, but also of new beginnings.

I've been meaning to post here for a while. Much has happened since I last blogged about. . . Home Depot? I dunno. I don't even remember.

First, I took part in the BC Japanese Speech contest, winning second place in the University division, Beginner category. I would have posted my speech on the blog, except that the copyright is held by the BC Japanese Speech Contest Organizing Committee. Basically, I talked about the time I met Miyuu Sawai (a story you can read about on this blog), and how that taught me courage and whatever.

Second, I've been doing a lot of thinking about that little Sailor Moon side project I started back in 2010, which in the absence of actual writing on the topic could be mistaken for giving up on it. I won't go into details here. . . I'll just mention that it's still on my mental back burner. 

Third, and perhaps most significantly, I've been officially accepted into the JET program as an A.L.T.. I'm going back to Japan! Specifically, I'll be going to the town of Shirakawa. . .

. . . in Fukushima prefecture. . .

. . . What? You wanna-- oh, wait, I already said that.

Anyway, I'm coming up on a new phase in my life, and along with that I hope to enter a new phase of my writing. Kyle Took A Bullet For Me was my first blog. It was, incidentally, also the medium for my first screenplay, Sailor Moon. I look back at both of these things as a huge rough draft of who I want I want to be as a writer, which is probably the best way you can look at something that you're really not all that proud of in retrospect. I mean, hell, the friggen name of this blog was taken from a Tenacious D song. Not a sign of terrific originality. 

So, to commemorate the end (for the foreseeable future anyway) of my life in P.G., in Canada, and in Physics, I've decided to officially end Kyle Took a Bullet For Me. . .

. . . and launch my new blog, Doin' the Nihon Go Go, a chronicle of science, life in Japan, creative ideas (more carefully exposited than my Sailor Moon stuff was), and whatever the hell else I want to write about. All on a damn schedule this time!

So, yeah. Get over there! There might not be anything written up yet, but at least you can admire the template.

Update: I've closed down comments on this blog, mainly so that spambots will stop bothering me.

Actual Idea I Had for April Fools Day Post, Part I

I Can't Stress Enough How Actual This Actual Idea Was. . .

I Should Write the Shitty Family Guy Parody of Star Trek II:


You know I'm really trying because I'm not at all trying!

*********************************************************************************

Family Guy Presents: KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!


by Jeremy K.

A Parody of Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan by Harve Bennett, Jack B. Sowards, Nicholas Meyer, and
Samuel A. Peeples, and Family Guy, created by Seth MacFarlane.

EXT. NIGHT, Griffin House, Establishing Shot.

CUT TO:

INT, Living Room. WS on GRIFFIN FAMILY-- PETER, LOIS, CHRIS, MEG, STEWIE, and BRIAN-- sitting on the couch watching TV. Suddenly, POWER GOES OUT.

GRIFFIN FAMILY

(grumbling)

Aw man! What the hell! This sucks! (etc., etc.)

PETER

(abruptly)

Too bad there aren't any more Star Wars movies.

LOIS

(surprised)

. . . what?

PETER

Nah, I'm just saying, it sucks that there are no more Star Wars movies. You know, after the first three films, it's like George Lucas just sorta gave up and, y'know, rested on his laurels.

CHRIS

Uh, Dad--

PETER

-- and it wouldn't even bother me as much if it weren't-- I mean, there's just so much back story, so much mythology that we were only given the faintest glimpse of. Like-- like how did Darth Vader become Darth Vader, you know?

BRIAN

Uh, Peter--

PETER

I mean, that alone could have probably sustained a whole new trilogy in and of itself!

(beat)

Anyway, this random-and-yet-strangely-familiar blackout brought that to mind for some reason.
You were saying?

MEG

Dad, they did--

LOIS

(interrupting)

It's nothing, Peter.

PETER

No no no no, no, it's okay, go ahead.

MEG

(catching on)

Oh, uh, Mom's right, it's nothing.

LOIS

Unimportant.

STEWIE

Totally only three Star Wars movies.

BRIAN

(fake anger)

Yeah, only three DAMN IT but on the other hand unspoiled memories childhood dreams all that jazz.

CHRIS

Yes sir-rie. Never know. . . what could have. . . (trails off)

PETER eyes everyone suspiciously.

PETER

Are you hiding something from me?

Everyone else is silent.

PETER

Lois!


LOIS

(reluctant)

Peter. . .

BRIAN

Look, Peter, sometimes ignorance really is bliss.

PETER

(realizing what he's discovered)

Oh my God! There's new Star Wars! That. . . that's amazing!

STEWIE

It's not. It's really not.

PETER

(leaps off the couch)

I-I gotta find this! New Star Wars!

(sing-yelling)

STAR WARS! GIVE ME THEM STAR WARS!

(runs off screen-- we continue to hear him after he's gone)

NOTHING BUT STAR WARS! DON'T LET THEM--

CUT TO TITLE ON BLACK

TITLE

One savaged and molested innocence later.

CUT TO:

INT, WS of FAMILY on couch. PETER has returned. He is frozen with rage. After a tense couple of seconds--

LOIS

(gently)

. . . Peter--

PETER SCREAMS and PUNCHES MEG OFF THE COUCH.

PETER

(screaming)

WE'RE DOING STAR TREK II!

PETER breaks down and sobs.

*********************************************************************************

We open on pure black. Then--

TITLE

The 23rd Century. . .

TITLE flies off screen. Then, another TITLE--

TITLE

Which is to say, the twenty-two hundreds. . .

TITLE flies off screen. Then, another TITLE. The scene continues on like this.

TITLE

I mean seriously, what's up with that? . . . Like, how did twenty THIRD century suddenly mean the twenty TWO hundreds, you know? It's crazy! . . . Probably the same morons who said the new millennium begins in 2001, and not 2000. . . Assholes. . .

CUT TO:

INT. Enterprise Bridge, VWS-- The bridge is a mess. Alarms blare, consoles are blown out, support beams have collapsed, fires rage, and crew-members' bodies-- including those of SPOCK(BRIAN), McCOY(DR. HARTMAN), SULU(QUAGMIRE), and UHURA(LORETTA)-- are sprawled about. Only SAAVIK (MEG) remains in her post at the captain's chair. Then, a BRIGHT LIGHT fills the room. SAAVIK, despondent, stands at attention.

CUT TO:

WS, VIEW SCREEN, parting open. We now realize that the "bridge" is just a mock up. In silhouette, bathed in light from the outside, we see CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK (PETER) walk on to the bridge.

SAAVIK

Any suggestions, Admiral?

KIRK

Prayer, Mr. Saavik. That, and not sucking.

(to Spock)

Captain?


SPOCK

(opens eyes)

Trainees to the briefing room.


The rest of the "dead" crew stand up and brush themselves off and leave. McCOY is about to leave, but is stopped by Kirk.

KIRK

Physician--

(comedy beat, ZOOM IN to ECU of KIRK, smirking)

Heal Thyself.

Cut to CU of McCoy.

MCCOY

Fuck you.

Cut to TWO SHOT of KIRK and SAAVIK, with MCCOY walking out of frame.

SAAVIK

Permission to speak candidly, sir?

KIRK

(contemptuously)

Very well.

SAAVIK

(fighting emotion)

I don't believe this was a fair test of my abili--

KIRK

(mocking, whiny)

Wah, wah, wai don't fink dis waws  fair test of my-- Suck it up, Saavik! If it's so unfair, how come I managed to beat it?

SAAVIK

(loses it)

Because you cheated, you ass!

KIRK

(cocky, self-inflated)

Yeah, I guess it is kinda cheating to be so awesome!


SAAVIK

No, you idiot! You hacked into the simulation and re-programmed it to--!

KIRK

(as Saavik goes on)

But I guess that's just how I roll: saving the galaxy by the seat of my pants, always coming out on top-- in more ways than one!


Suddenly, the FRESH PRINCE WILL SMITH  jumps into frame.

WILL SMITH

If you know what I'm sayin'!


Just as suddenly, FRESH PRINCE WILL SMITH jumps out of frame.

KIRK

We do, Ensign Fresh Prince. We do.

SAAVIK

-- the only reason you weren't kicked out of the acad--!

KIRK

(talking just to hear his own voice at this point)

You see, unlike some people, James Kirk doesn't lose, and James Kirk doesn't make mistakes! 'Cause if he did, at least one of those mistakes would almost certainly have come back to bite him in the ass by now, and they haven't. Quid pro quo.

SAAVIK

That's QED, moron!

KIRK

Yup, never makes mistakes! None whatsoever.

CUT TO:

INT, WS Enterprise bridge. A FLASHBACK-- Spock, in a blue old-style uniform, sits in the captain's chair. Spock checks his watch, and then presses a button on the captain's chair, activating a communicator.

SPOCK

(into communicator)

Bridge to Captain. Spock here. Uh, it's been six months. Should we set course to Ceti Alpha V and check up on Khan, sir?

CUT TO:

INT, WS of KIRK'S BEDROOM. KIRK, in his familiar TORN UNIFORM, stands at the head of the bed, while a GREEN SKINNED ORION WOMAN lies in the bed, holding a DAGGER. The AMOK TIME FIGHT MUSIC plays in the background.

KIRK

(beat, then into hand communicator)

Yeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. . . let's do that tomorrow.

SPOCK

(through communicator)


Aye aye, sir.

KIRK closes communicator.

KIRK

(to ORION WOMAN)

Say it again.


ORION WOMAN

(sexy)

May I say that I have not thoroughly enjoyed serving with humans?


KIRK

(aroused)

Ohhh yeah.


ORION WOMAN

I find their illogic and foolish emotions a constant-- wait, who am I supposed to be again? 'Cause this feels weird.

We CUT TO:

EXT, Outer space, an exterior shot of a barren, desert planet. We hold as the STARSHIP RELIANT flies into frame from behind, heading toward the planet. We then hear a LOG from CHEKOV (TIM THE BEAR from The Cleveland Show).

CHEKOV(V.O.)

Starship Log, Stardate 8130.4. This report classified MOST SECRET. Log Entry by Commander Pavel Chekov, Duty Officer. We are continuing our search for a lifeless planet which will serve as a suitable test site for the Genesis experiment.

CUT TO: Two shot of CHEKOV, at the science station, and CAPTAIN TERRELL (CLEVELAND).

CHEKOV

Does it have to be completely lifeless?

TERRELL

Don't tell me you got something?

CHEKOV

I suppose it could be a piece of preanimate matter caught in the matrix.

TERRELL

You mean like Tyler Lautner?

CHEKOV

. . . what?

(beat)

Why on Earth did you say that?

TERRELL

. . . I have no idea.

CHEKOV

What a weird, random thing to say!

TERRELL

And hurtful, too!

CHEKKOV

Yes, very hurtful! Tyler Lautner has worked hard for his success!

TERRELL

Yes, yes, of course! Oh wow. . . yeah, just forget I said that and we'll beam down to the surface.

CUT TO:

EXT, Planet Surface. WS of a barren desert. Sandstorms so strong they block out everything more than a few metres away. TERRELL and CHEKOV BEAM DOWN, wearing environment suits. They spot something, and we PAN LEFT to reveal a CRASHED SHIP-- the BOTANY BAY.

CUT TO:

INT, Botany Bay Main Room, WS. A hatch opens, and TERRELL AND CHEKOV ENTER.

CUT TO:

INT, Khan's Room, CU on a BOOKSHELF. CHEKOV enters the room and approaches the bookshelf. We PAN to look at the books as CHEKOV does, with CHEKOV still remaining in shot.

CHEKOV

Infinite Jest, Bridget Jones' Diary,  Primary Colors. . . The Vagina Monologues?! Why, these were all published in nineteen ninety--

ECU on CHEKOV as he makes a horrifying realization.

CHEKOV

Oh no!


CUT TO:

INT, Main Room. CHEKOV runs up to TERRELL and GRABS him by the arm.

CHEKOV

We have to go!

TERRELL

What's the matter-- ?

CHEKOV

Now! Damn! Hurry!

CUT TO:

EXT. Botany Bay Hatch, Two Shot of CHEKOV and TERRELL as they come out the hatch. They're about to flee, but they see something that stops them in their tracks. We PAN 180 degrees to reveal. . . A FUCKING SANDWORM, complete with the ELECTRIC GUITAR MUSIC FROM DUNE! A couple dozen men and women in black clothing, KHAN'S SOLDIERS, run alongside the beast. We then--

CUT TO:

FS shot of KHAN-- played, of course, by STEWIE-- riding the sandworm.

CUT TO:

CHEKOV and TERRELL, who know they are fucked.

To be continued. . .

Wednesday Wire, Back by Popular Demand!

. . .yeah, I'm know. I'm sorry.

Here's the real one. Be warned, though: it's even more NSFW than usual.

I'm So Vain. . .

. . . I probably think this link is about me.

Seriously, it's cool to be linked to by other website. I'm pretty sure the person who runs it has commented here before, yet somehow I only just discovered Aren't We Nerdy this past week. The site's premise involves listing- Jeff Foxowrthy style- all the various signs that a given person might, indeed, be nerdy.

Like being able to name all eleven Doctors from Dr. Who in a single breath.

Or being being the proud owner of a shirt that says "I only kiss sueprheroes."

Or splitting your days between preparing notes for an introductory physics course, writing the first draft of a live-action Sailor Moon screenplay, and figuring out ways to try and meet Miyuu Sawai. . . again.

So to get into the spirit of Aren't We Nerdy. . . even moreso. . . I thought I'd share yet another of the many nerdy ideas that bouce incessantly through my head. After all. . .

What is the most resilient parasite?
Bacteria?
A virus?
An intestinal worm?
An idea?
Please. . . I'm talkin' 'bout Disco.



Resilient... highly contagious. Once disco has taken hold of the brain it's almost impossible to eradicate. Disco that is fully boogied - fully gotten-down - that sticks.

Disco hit its peak in the late 1970's-- coincidentally, this was an era that saw a massive resurgence in the popularity of science fiction. Star Wars. Superman. Star Trek: The Motion Picture. Close Encounters of the Third Kind. It was inevitable that unstoppable force of this sci-fi wave would collide with the immovable object that was disco fever.

The results of this collision were sublime.

So much so that I found myself thinking. . . this really needs to come back!

Hence. . . quite possibly the greatest idea I've ever had. . .

DISCO INCEPTION.

That's right. A fully funkified re-imagining of Hans Zimmer's original score to the film Inception. A groove that gets down not one, not two, but three levels of boogie.

Seriously, I have put way more thought and energy into this than anyone should, and I really need to get it out of my system. The whole thing has turned into a swirl of ideas, images and sounds in my head, so forigve me if what follows seems to lack cohesion more than usual:

- We open (yes. . . I even imagined a lame 70's style music video to go with it) with Inception's (in)famous closing shot of the perpetually spinning top. As we close in, the spinning top gradually morphs into a spinning disco ball, by means of effects that would make the chroma-key from William Shatner's Rocketman look sophisticated by comparison.

- We're on the disco floor. Dancing projections abound. We hear the sound of "Time", the final track of the Inception score, only. . . funkier. It's tempo is more upbeat. It's accompanied by snaring drums and waka-waka guitars¹. The legendarily deep sounds of Zimmer's brass section have been replaced by the snazzy, jazzy, high-pitched horns of disco.

- Then, we hear the chorus-- one which I've never been able to get out of my head since it first appeared:

IN-CEP-TION!
I'll dig myself right deep in your heaaaaart!
IN-CEP-TION!
I'll dig right to the deepest paaaaaaart!

There's also a second part to the chorus, but it changes every time it pops into my head. The first part, however, is always consistent.

- After the first verse or two-- I've thought up lyrics, but never bothered to write them down-- we see Cobb, Eames, Arthur, and Saito strut onto the dance floor, their trademark upscale suits unbuttoned near the top. The crowd clears, and the quartet proceed to set the dance floor on fire in ways that John Travolta could only. . . ahem. . . "dream" of.

- Then. . . we go deeper. See, I imagined sturcturing the song the sam way that Nolan structured the film, as a set of nested songs. We'll go to the next "level" of groove, which basically amounts to another song- a discofied version of another one of Zimmer's original tracks. Then we go to the next level, and then. . .

- Limbo. A Deodato-esque surreal-groove rendition of "Waiting for a Train". Then. . .

- The Kick. A disco cover of "Non, Je ne Regrette Rien." (This isn't quite a disco version, but it's approriately campy).

- We go back up the levels, hearing the "kick" during each transition, until we're right back to the first song:

IN-CEP-TION!
I'll dig myself right deep in your heaaaaart!
IN-CEP-TION!
I'll dig right to the deepest paaaaaaart!

- And then we pull out from the disco ball. . . back to the spinning top. Back to reality. . . the dream is over.

OR IS IT?!?!?

And that's Disco Inception.

Whew. . . How did this start again?

Right! Aren't We Nerdy. Go there! Boogie Woogie Oogie, right now!



1) As you can see, I'm not the musician of the family.

More First Draft Badness!

If I wrote the Sailor Mo- Pretty Girl Aweso- Sailor Moon Movie #23: Yeah, It's Still a Sailor Moon Movie

UPDATE: I've made few changes to this part of the script, mostly to the first dialogue between Ami and Tomoe. The flow of the dialogue wasn't quite right, and the ideas I was trying to develop didn't connect to each other, or to what happened in previous parts of the script, in the way that I had hoped they would. I guess that shows me for trying to get a new piece of the screenplay posted on the same day I start writing it. Which is not to say I'll stop doing that.

All revisions will be marked in bold.

Last Time. . .

We now continue. . .

AMI (V.O.)

I'm gonna lose.

CUT TO:

INT, Tomoe's Office.

TOMOE and AMI are playing a game of chess. It's Ami's move.

AMI

If I move the knight, you have me in three moves. I move the rook, you have me in four.

TOMOE

That sounds about right.

AMI moves to tip her king, but TOMOE stops her.

TOMOE

You're not giving up that easily are you?

(beat)

You could still beat me, you know.

Pause.

TOMOE

. . .but you won't.

AMI tips over the king.

TOMOE

(sighs)

I guess that's one way to guarantee the outcome of things.

AMI

I suppose.

TOMOE

You suppose?

(beat)

Ami, I wasn't asking for you to agree with me.

Pause.

TOMOE

Do you like chess?

(barely a beat)

Of course you don't. You're not very good at it.

AMI looks up.

TOMOE

That's what you'd say, isn't it? If you were asked why you don't like it? Why someone as intelligent-no, as obviously and stereotypically intellectual as you, doesn't enjoy playing the definitive game of the intellectual class?

(beat, then shrugs)

"I'm not very good."

(Pause)

Now, this might be a calculated display of humility, in which case you're a liar.

AMI looks down, shamed by Tomoe's insult, and how casually he delivers it.

TOMOE

But somehow, I don't think that's it. I think you really do believe it. Not because you are bad at the game- you're not- but because you know you're playing at a level far below what you know you're capable of. . . even in no-one else does.

(beat, with slight contempt)

And you're alright with that.

Pause, to let it sink in.

TOMOE

In either event, you are . . . thoroughly Japanese.

AMI keeps her head down. TOMOE stands her king back up.

TOMOE

I wasn't playing with you to see if you could win. I playing to see if you wanted to win. I was playing to see more of the little girl I saw a moment ago, defending her mother when she knew she was being insulted.

(beat)

Look at me, Ami.

AMI doesn't move.

TOMOE

I know you're angry with me, Ami.

Tense pause.

TOMOE

(sighs)

Ami. . . you're a child, so you may not understand this. When you grow old, the world. . . grows old with you. Colors and sounds fade, the edges of things start to blur and blend into each other. Memories are . . . washed away, leaving only this shade of familiarity cast over everything. When you get to be that old, the idea dying, of losing of that world. . . doesn't seem as tragic as it once was.

AMI looks up, unsure of where Tomoe is going with this.

TOMOE

You're right. This isn't my office. My name is on the building, but beyond a few board meetings, I really have nothing to do with this place anymore. And that's how it should be. It's my time to let go.

AMI

(understanding)

The world feels old to me too, sometimes.

TOMOE

She speaks!

(beat)

And unfortunately, that's what she has to say.

Pause.

TOMOE

Ami, it's not the world that feels old. It's your world, the little subterranean bomb shelter you built up around youself. . . that's what feels old. I'm allowed to cast this world aside if I feel like, Ami. You're not. For you. . . for every student here. . . the world is young.

Pause. Those last words seem to resonate for Tomoe, for reasons we aren't quite aware of yet.

TOMOE

You know. . . I've given the odd lecture here and there, but it's ages since anyone has seen me actually walk the halls of my own school.

(beat)

Let's surprise them.

CUT TO:

INT, Reception- Continuous.

AMI and TOMOE leave the office. SAEKO is dozing off in her chair. AMI is about to wake her, but TOMOE stops her, and the two head to the elevator.

TOMOE (V.O.)

You remember the admission requirements for Mugen Gakuen, right?

AMI(V.O.)

140 IQ or higher on the Stanford Binet, or demonstrated prodigious ability in art, music, lierature-

CUT TO:

INT, Elevator.

TOMOE and AMI, on the way down.

TOMOE

Right, right. And?

AMI

(thinks for a second)

Japanese citizenship?

TOMOE

Bingo.

CUT TO:

INT, Lobby, Continuous.

TOMOE and AMI exit the elevator.

TOMOE

We could have admitted students from the U.S., China, Europe. . . but that wouldn't solve anything. Japan is an elite society where no-one is allowed to be elite. This school aims to change that.

TOMOE spots a plant by a wall that looks almost like a mandrake.

TOMOE

Take this, for instance.

(points to the plant)

Recognize it?

AMI

It's a mandrake, isn't-

TOMOE

Mandragora Telunorum. One of our star pupils developed the genome for this plant while she was studying here. She patented it, bred it, sold it to florists the world over, and got rich. She still donates a percentage of the profits to the academy.

AMI and TOMOE walk past the plants.

CUT TO:

INT, Hallway, Continuous.

AMI and TOMOE walk down a hallway. The highly decorated walls serve as sort a museum of Tomoe, with a timeline of Tomoe's life (beginning circa 1920), photos, and videos narrating the life story of Tomoe. Despite his age, TOMOE walks down the at a fairly brisk pace.

TOMOE

It's just down the hall.

AMI looks at some of the pictures. She sees a photograph of TOMOE, his wife, and his four-year old daughter HOTARU, dating from the fourties.

TOMOE

There's someone I want you to see.

AMI walks past a TV screen, playing a biographical documentary of Tomoe on a loop. As she passes, the TV displays a picture of Tomoe in a WWII era field medic uniform. Something about the picture seems. . . off.

CUT TO:

INT, Reception in front of TOMOE's Office

SAEKO wakes up to the sound of her pager. Groggily, she reads the pager. . . and her eyes widen.

CUT TO:

INT, Performance Hall

A full orchestra is in the midst of a rehearsal for The Lark Ascending. TOMOE and AMI sit at the back of the hall as the orchestra blares away. A violinist, MICHIRU, takes to the front of the stage.

TOMOE

That's Michiru Kaiou.

MICHIRU begins to play an incredible rendition of the composition's violin piece, with the orchestra accompanying her. AMI'S impressed.

TOMOE

We were only just able to snatch her away from Julliard.

A young woman, YUI, approaches the two.

AMI

It's beautiful.

YUI

Sensei.

AMI and TOMOE turn to YUI, and we see her for the first time. . . and boy, does she not look familiar?


TOMOE

Ah! Yui! I was going to come looking for you!

YUI

I've been trying to reach you for the last ten minutes.

(glances at AMI, trying to hide a sense of urgency)

There's something that we need to dis-

TOMOE

Yui! Let me introduce you to Ami Mizuno.

YUI looks AMI over. She really wants to talk about something else, but she'll oblige the good doctor.

YUI

Nice to meet you Ami.

TOMOE

Ami, this is Yui Bidou, the best and birghtest in an academy of the best and brightest.

AMI

Nice to meet you.

(beat)

Are you. . . the one who pantented Mandragora Telunorum?

YUI

(pause- almost insulted)

No. . . I'm not.

(to TOMOE)

Sensei, we really need-

TOMOE

(to AMI)

Yui is the head instructor of the academy's science department. She's done groundbreaking work in nanotech, ultracold physics-

(absent-mindedly)

Say, maybe you should show Ami the collider while we're here!

YUI'S normally cold, calm eyes widen at the word "collider".

YUI

(unsure how to respond)

Uh, Sensei. . .

TOMOE

(catching himself)

Ah! Of course, of course. . . but sometime Yui really should show you some of the facilities we have at this academy. I think you'll be amaz-

At that moment, SAEKO walks in.

SAEKO

Ami!

TOMOE

Saeko!

(shh-es, and points to orchestra)

Rehearsal!

SAEKO gives a quick bow of apology.

TOMOE

I'm sorry, Saeko. I wanted to give Ami a tour. I was hoping we'd be back before-

SAEKO

That's alright, Sensei.

(to AMI)

Ami, we have to go.

(urgently)

Now.

TOMOE looks between SAEKO and YUI. YUI gestures impatiently at TOMOE.

TOMOE

Saeko, you're timing couldn't be better!

AMI gets up to leave, but TOMOE stops her.

TOMOE

Before you go, Ami, I want you to think about something.

(draws her closer)

I'm sure that ever since you've been first identified as a prodigy, you've had people telling you that you that you must put your intellect to use for the better of society, or the nation, or whatever.

AMI unconsciously glances at SAEKO.

TOMOE

I believe that. You do have an obligation to society.

(beat)

I also believe that no-one could better know how to best put your gifts to use. . . than you.

AMI walks toward SAEKO.

TOMOE

Ami?

AMI turns around.

TOMOE

We can't register you until the fall, Ami. But you can visit anytime you like. I'm sure Yui would be happy to show you around.

YUI forces a smile.

YUI

Of course.

AMI and SAEKO walk off.

To be continued soon.

What a way to spend a birthday. . .

Well. . . I'm 28 now. I know that by any objective standard, I'm still a young man, but. . . I guess I'm starting to feel old. For one thing, I don't like modern pop music, and only know about its various more popular figures (Lady Gaga, Kanye West, Taylor Swift) from other people talking about them. . . hell, the only reason I know about the latter two is because of that thing they were involved in that all the influential media people wanted us to believe was a big deal.

(Hey, at least I still hate The Man. . . that makes me young, right? Right? No no, I don't wanna hear about decrepit hippies. My hatred of institutions stems from the fires of youth and nothing else!)

Another thing that makes me feel old? As of this coming July, I'm a college instructor. I've been hired to teach Physics 115, which is basically Physics 12, but more. . . University-y. This means that I'll be serving as the wizened mentor to a bunch of 18-year olds who will end up hating me because I'm now The Man and every young person hates The Man!

I'm. . . The Man?

Oh God.

Seriously, though, teaching Physics 115 is a great opportunity. I've already started writing down a draft version of my notes. In a lot of ways, teaching physics properly is a lot like writing a story. Okay, it's a little like writing a story. Still, I'm treating the notes to Phys 115 like my first novel.

And speaking of stories. . .

I'm at an impasse as far as Sailor Moon is concerned. When I started this whole screenplay idea, I like the idea of taking a revisionist approach to Sailor Moon. Since then, my "revisionism" has taken on a life of its own, to the point that. . .well, maybe I really should just stop calling it Sailor Moon. Maybe I should just start approaching this not as an adaptation but as an original creation that pays obvious tribute to old-school shojo, particularly Sailor Moon.

Maybe I should start calling it Pretty Girl Awesome.

I like it. Catchy, dumb, and reminiscent of shojo titles like Cutey Honey, Pretty Cure and, of course, Pretty Guardian/Pretty Girl Soldier Sailor Moon.

But if I do start treating this more like an original creation (like I should have been anyway. . .) that means I may not be able to keep posting, lest I give too much away. I'll have to think more about that. In any event, it's out there, for anyone who cares.

But wait, you're wondering, what does the title of this blog post have to do with anything you've just written?

Yesterday I invigilated the final exam for Physics 150, the course I've been marking this past semester. University regulations require that I get the exam marked within 72 hours of the invigilation, which means that I have to spend my birthday, and weekend, marking exams.

So, yeah. . . see title.

But, hey, Katsudon! And Source Code! And maybe new socks!

Things are suddenly looking up!

Valentine's Day-- 'Cause Nothing Says "Love" Quite Like A Holiday Named After a Catholic Priest Who Had His Head Cut Off.

On this, that highest of high fabricated giftcard non-holy days, let us remember that love is evolution's way of making sure Daddy sticks around just long enough to help raise the kids.



Cynicism on Valentine's Day. . . I'll bet no-one's ever thought of THAT before!

How The Karate Kid Should Have Ended

Daniel

Great, that solves everything. I'll go to the police and press charges.

Miyagi

Now use head for something other than target.

Roll Credits.

Because Alignment Charts Are Popular This Week. . .

. . . and because this whole Sailor Moon Movie thing was also based on something Mightygodking did (see here). . .

. . . and because my photo-editing software and skills are both zero. . .

Here's my Sailor Moon Movie alignment. . . list.

Lawful Good -- Rei Hino

Neutral Good -- Makoto Kino

Chaotic Good -- Usagi Tsukino

Lawful Neutral -- Ami Mizuno

True Neutral -- Minako Aino

Chaotic Neutral -- Mamoru Chiba

Lawful Evil -- Kaolinite

Neutral Evil -- Eudial

Chaotic Evil -- Dr. Tomoe

Because my Mind Sometimes Wanders. . .

Here's my list of hypothetical hipster bands named after the worst episodes of Star Trek ever made:

The Naked Now
Spock's Brain & The Turnabout Intruders
The Sub Rosa
The Royales
Profit and Lace
Take Me Out to the Holosuite feat. The Vic Fontaine Orchestra
William T. Riker & The Shades of Grey
Menage a Troi
A Fistful of Datas
The 37's

And my personal favourite,

The Outrageous Okonas


Actually, I could imagine The Outrageous Okonas as a sort of Austrian Death Machine style concept band, writing Irish punk songs all named after lines from the episode:

"Acting Ensign Wesley Wesley Crusher"
"You're a Droid and I'm Annoyed"
"Tip O'Neil in a Dress"
"The Lieutenant Commanders of Mirth" (Actually, I was considering this as a band name)
"Take My Worf. Please!"
"My Timing is Digital"
"Have You Seen Any Good Looking Computers Lately?"
"Excellent Vision and a Healthy Libido"
"An Easy Room"
"A Monk, a Clone and a Ferengi Decide to Go Bowling Together. . ."
"Mischievous, Irreverent, and Somewhat Brazen"
"Cad, knave, rake, rascal, scoundrel, villain, wild elephant"
"Is That a Woman's Voice I Hear?"

. . . and on and on.

On an Unrelated Note, I've Never Seen High Fidelity Until Tonight.

Hi Everyone,

It's been two weeks since my last post. My apologies for the delay. I've been trying to settle down in Victoria. Since the university and college aren't currently looking for anyone to fill any teaching roles, I've been submitting resumes to any place that's asking for them. Hopefully, I'll be at work within the next week or two, depending on things and whatnot.

On a more positive note. . . I mentioned in my last post that I'm going to attempt something new here in Canada, the specific nature of which I never mentioned. Since I'm back, and I'm blogging, and you're reading, I may as well mention it now. I've decided to write a short story and submit it to a writing contest in January. Depending on how this story goes, I may write more-- on top of my current story, I have four other story ideas kicking around. I may end up submitting my stories for publication as well.

Also, my apologies for not updating you on Sailor Moon. I want to write a new post to tide things over until the next piece of the script, but the subject I most want to write about is one that may really spoil things later on in the story. I'll see how it goes.

I'll also try to post new pictures and videos from Japan on Facebook and YouTube. I still have videos from back in July that still need to be posted, but I haven't been able to due to the size of some of the video files invovled. Hopefully, my sister's computer will be able to handle it.

Until next time.

Let it never be said that nothing good can come from watching Caligula. . .

So, yeah, I'm suddenly into ballet.

Standoff of the Space Cowboys

This post is in response to a comment left by A.J. a few days ago:

Oh, and if you don't mind me asking what part of your Star Trek idea did the film incorporate? I think it's safe to assume it wasn't the part where they cover everything in lens flare.

The short answer: the creation of an alternate timeline, split off from the "canon" timeline, was something I was going to implement in my story.

The long answer. . .

The title of this post is the name that I was gonna give to my story. It's a silly name, loosely based on Gene Roddenberry's own nickname for Star Trek, "Wagon Train to the Stars". Nonetheless, in my mind the name stuck. The outline of the story is as follows:

A Federation Starship accidentally travels back in time to early 1960's Earth, crash-landing in the Caspian Sea. Their ship heavily damaged, and straddled between the Soviet Union and then US-allied Iran, things seem hopeless for the crew. Even if they could somehow manage to hide from the two biggest superpowers of the time, they won't last long without supplies.

However, they are quickly discovered and contacted by an oil tycoon hoping to mine the vast underground reserves of the Caspian Sea. The crew is offered protection and supplies in exchange for. . . well, they're not really sure, since the crashed ship is not all that terribly useful as an oil drilling platform. Neither is it terribly clear how an oil company, no matter how rich it is, can hide a bloody starship in the middle of the ocean from the Soviets and Americans. Still, the crew is hardly in a position to turn down his help. On top of all this, the crew has to clean up the messes they've made, like a photon torpedo landing on the border of two hostile nations, or crewmembers fleeing the ship.

Unfortunately, the ship's very presence in the twentieth century-- not to mention its contact with the oil company-- has opened up the possibility of historical alteration, destroying the timeline they know. However, the crew, initially, is in a position where they cannot be sure whether this is happening. The severe damage done to the ship's computer has almost completely erased its voluminous historical records. For instance, while some of the crew knew that an American president was going to be assassinated, no-one can be certain on what date it was supposed to happen. For all they know, the assassination that happened yesterday was supposed to happen tomorrow. As a result of this ambiguity, they cannot be certain whether their presense leads, in a hidden way, to the history they already know-- whether they were always part of history without even knowing it-- or whether history has actually changed.

The ship remains at the bottom of the Caspian Sea for five years. Up until this point, the crew has managed to adjust to their situation, and has seemed to contain any major historical changes. Unfortunately, the crew soon make what from their standpoint is a horrific discovery: a TV show called "Star Trek" that appears to be based upon their own future history.

AN ASIDE: Yes, yes, I went there. How cute of him, you all say. But aside from all the predicatable metafiction, I was always fascinated by the behind the scenes story of Star Trek. Indeed, it would be pretty interesting if they made a docu-drama TV series about the making of the show, with a title like "These Are the Voyages..." or some-such. It could serve as a sort of late-sixties companion piece to Mad Men (are you listening, AMC?).

Anyway, it's seeming more and more likely that history has indeed been changed and that the Federation, at least as it known by the crew, will never come to be. An ideological scism occurs, and the crew divides roughly into two camps: those who think that the original timeline must be restored, even if it means interference in the social and political structures of the day; and those who believe that this new history must be allowed to take its own course. The remainder of the series follows the conflict between these two camps.

That, more or less, was the idea of mine that was incorporated into the new film. There were all kinds of other aspects to this story, though. Most of them were only halfways thought through, and some might not have made it into the final version. Here are a few of those ideas, listed in no particular order:

- A powerful alien artifact stored within the hull of the ship-- this is actually what causes the time travel accident.

- A Klingon math genius who adopted the Vulcan way of life (can you tell it's fanfiction?) and is the only person who understands the artifact. She falls into a coma following the crash of the ship.

- An artificial insemination program that uses said Klingon's ova in combination with donated sperm to try and breed another math genius who can understand the artifact. This program does eventually create another genius, a young woman who is not only brilliant but also extremely volatile, due both to her Klingon genetics and her upbringing in a society that she doesn't really understand and that really doesn't understand her (she's not raised on the ship, but rather in contemporary human society).

- Remember the accused saboteur I mentioned earlier? As part of her plan to escape, she used nanobots and technobabble to change species, from alien to human. The process kills her within a few days.

- A human-Q hybrid, created to destroy the alien artifact (the artifact is like Kryptonite for "full-blooded" Q). As his powers are controlled by his human mind, he finds that many instances where his powers are used are either unconscious or occur in an almost rambling "stream of consciousness". The hybrid, very human in personality, is born in Venezuela and raised Catholic (SUBTLETY!).

- The whole series would be eighteen episodes long, and its structure would loosely be based on the James Joyce novel "Ulysees" ('Cause Bloomsday in Dublin is like a Star Trek convention-- that's my flimsy excuse and I'm sticking with it!)

That's about as far as I'll with this story for now. I know I keep promising a new Sailor Moon piece, and I'm working on it. It'll be up sometime.

He says the sun came out last night. He says it sang to him.

In a world where disco never died. . .
One man. . . will put the hose on Disco Inferno.
James Franco stars in . . . Dyskopia.

Yeah. . . I've been waiting for any excuse to use that pun. Anyway, here's Disco Close Encounters. Wait 'till the very end!



Why people ever believed that you can dance to John Williams, I will never know.

UPDATE: And who's the evil ruler of Dyskopia? John Travolta, of course! "When you were learning how to spell your name, I was being trained. . . TO CONQUER GALAXIES!"

So. . . I'm Twenty-Seven Now. . .

Actually, I've been twenty-seven since last Thursday. I was going to do a post on it, but, well. . .

Anyway. I just finished up the last of my marking for the year-- possibly EVER-- and have already got both my Japanese oral exam and Japanese skit behind me. The skit was videotaped, but I can't put it up, due both to the video being listed as private and me looking and sounding incredibly ugly on videotape.

All that remains now is my Japanese written exam, immediately after which I will be heading down to Victoria help my sister move back up to Prince George for the summer.

Oh. . . and I'm working on the next part of Sailor Moon, which is nearing completion.

And as before, I will provide you with a preview of what's to come. Heavily sarcastic, only tangentially related to the actual script, you know the drill. Enjoy!

**********************************************************************************

USAGI, angrily, throws her Japanese textbook against a tree, causing it ot unbind. AMI approaches, offering her own book. The Boss starts playing in the background.

AMI

Hello.

USAGI

Hmm?

AMI

Here.

BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN

She'll let you in her house...

USAGI

What is it?

BRUUUUUUCE!

If you come knocking late at night...

AMI

My book. You can have it for now.

USAGI

Oh. Thanks.

THE BOSS!

She'll let you in her mouth...

AMI

Listen. . .

SPRINGSTEEN

If the words you say are right...

AMI

I know people say things about you.

SPRINGSTEEN

If you pay the price...

AMI

Mean things.

SPRINGSTEEN

She'll let you deep inside. . .

AMI

But I just want want you to--

USAGI

Shut up. Just shut up.

SPRINGSTEEN

But there's a secret garden she has.

USAGI

You had me at hello.

*************************************************************************************

CUT TO:

MAMORU'S POV. We see CHRISTOPHER WALKEN, who makes for a very unconvincing Japanese War veteran, talking to Mamoru.

CHRISTOPHER WALKEN

Hello, little man. Boy, I sure heard a bunch about you. See, I was a good friend of your dad's. We were in that Guadalcanal pit of hell together over five years. Hopefully...you'll never have to experience this yourself, but when two men are in a situation like me and your Dad were, for as long as we were, you take on certain responsibilities of the other. If it had been me who had not made it, Major Chiba would be talkin' right now to my son Jin. But the way it turned out is I'm talkin' to you, Mamoru. I got somethin' for you.

WALKEN sits down and pulls out a star-shaped watch.

This watch I got here was first purchased by your great-grandfather during the first World War. It was bought in a little general store in Kanagawa prefecture. Made by the first company to ever make wrist watches. Right here in Japan. Up till then people just carried pocket watches. It was bought by private Doughboy Shinji Chiba on the day he set sail for Tsingtao. It was your great-grandfather's war watch and he wore it everyday he was in that war. When he had done his duty, he went home to your great-grandmother, took the watch off, put it an old tea pot, and in that pot it stayed 'til your granddad Kenzuo Chiba was called upon by his country to go overseas and fight the Chinese once again. This time they called it the Sino-Japanese War. Your great-grandfather gave this watch to your granddad for good luck. Unfortunately, Kenzuo's luck wasn't as good as his old man's. Kenzuo was a soldier and he was killed -- along with the other soldiers at the battle of Shanghai. Your granddad was facing death, he knew it. None of those boys had any illusions about ever leavin' that island alive. So three days before the Chinese finally took the city, your granddad asked a gunner on an Imerpial Navy transport by the name of Takeshi, a man he had never met before in his life, to deliver to his infant son, who he'd never seen in the flesh, his gold watch. Three days later, your granddad was dead. But Takeshi kept his word. Once the new war, this one called World War II, began he paid a visit to your grandmother, delivering to your father, his Dad's gold watch. This watch.

(holds it up, long pause)

This watch was on your Daddy's wrist when he was shot down over Guadalcanal. He was captured, put in an American prison camp. He knew if the Yanks ever saw the watch it'd be confiscated, taken away. The way your Dad looked at it, that watch was your birthright. He'd be damned if any crackers were gonna put their greasy honky hands on his boy's birthright. So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide something. His ass. Three long years, he wore this watch up his ass. Then he died of dysentery, he gave me the watch. I hid this uncomfortable hunk of metal up my ass two years. Then, after five years, I was sent home to my family. And now, little man, I give the watch to you.

MAMORU takes it.

MAMORU

That story didn't make any damn sense.

************************************************************************************

AMI is walking through a hallway in the middle a hospital oncology ward. She spots an intern.

AMI

Excuse me?

JON (J.D.) DORIAN

Yes?

AMI

I'm looking for my mother, Dr. Mizuno. Do you know where she is?

J.D.

Listen. . .

J.D. kneels down.

J.D.

It's probably better if you--

The air is pierced by a sharp, loud whistle.

DR. COX

Newbie!

J.D.

Dr. Cox, I was--

DR. COX

You, Keiko, were trying, in vain, to gain some measure of control over the vast tsunami of hormones that flooded your veins the very moment you laid your eyes on this little girl and your ovaries, spurred no doubt by your as yet latent-- nay, repressed-- maternal instincts, shifted into overdrive. And while I sympathize-- you're not the first woman doctor I've ever met, after all-- you might want to keep in mind that this place, here, with all the nurses and dying people and very smart competent people in white coats-- they're the ones called "doctors"-- passing through the halls, is called a "hospital." And since you too, while lacking the aforementioned smarts and competence, are also wearing a nice white coat, one assumes that you are also one of these "doctors," and therefore I should mention that your job as a "doctor," while entailing many many many many MANY responsibilities clearly beyond your feeble comprehension, does NOT include humouring the eight year old who will be your boss by the time she is a twelve year old. Now begone.

J.D.

Dr Cox--

DR. COX

You have until the count of BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE--

J.D. runs off.

DR. COX

--GOOOONE!

************************************************************************************

In the foreground, DAWSON and JOEY are sitting on the bed. Talking to eachother. In the background, LUNA is trying to climb inside through a small window. Paula Cole is playing in the background.

JOEY

You mean, you haven't even kissed that girl?

DAWSON

It's not about the kiss Joey. It's about the journey, creating a sustaining magic.

JOEY

Does Jen fall for this warped movie logic?

DAWSON

It's not warped. It's romance.

JOEY

It's old, Dawson. Just kiss her, will you? Take the elevator to the next floor and get off, it's time.

DAWSON

It's not that simple Joey. It's about creating the perfect moment. And it has to be planned with the right music and dialogue.

JOEY

You can't storyboard a kiss.

DAWSON

Sure, you can.

JOEY

It's not reality, Dawson. These movies that you're watching are false images that don't exist outside the city limits of Hollywood.

DAWSON

Not true. They're images grounded in the reality of imagination.

JOEY

Did you just pull that one out of your butt, or what?

DAWSON

Everybody thinks that movies are fantasy, but they don't have to be. From here to eternity. You can have that. You just have to create it. That moment on the beach could be yours. You could be Deborah Kerr.

JOEY

Mm, sand in my crotch, heaven.

DAWSON

You know, it's attitudes like yours that prevent storyboard romances from happening. You're way too cynic--

At that moment, LUNA finally makes it inside, landing on the floor with a thud. DAWSON and JOEY turn towards LUNA, she toward them.

LUNA

Your show sucked in the nineties and it sucks now.

LUNA leaves.

************************************************************************************

LUNA and USAGI are sitting on the bed. USAGI examines the MOON PRISM in her hand.

LUNA

Usagi. . . think of this as a . . . prism. A lens. And your past life is like the light of a long dead star that's just reaching the Earth.

USAGI

Wait, what?

LUNA

As it is, a few photons, scattered here and there, will hit the Earth's surface, but when focussed, you can see the light of the star, and it's as it it lives again.

USAGI

Why can't I just look up and see the star?

LUNA

It's. . . really far away. Like another galaxy. Anyway--

USAGI

I thought I was this past life reborn, so what does that make me, a neutron star? A white dwarf? A black hole?

LUNA

Usagi--

USAGI

Did the star supernova and leave behind a nebula? Am I then just a cluster of blue giant stars that formed in its wake?

LUNA

Usagi!

USAGI

Or am I just a piece of photographic film onto which this "lens" can form a pict--

USAGI

USAGI IT'S A FUCKING METAPHOR!

Looooong pause.

Then. . .

USAGI

No it's not.

LUNA

. . . what?

USAGI

"Think of this AS a prism?" "Your past life is LIKE the light of a long dead star?" Those are SIMILIES, Luna.

LUNA'S head explodes. . . metaphorically speaking.

No, I'm Asking.

Which of the following statements do you agree with the most:

A) Ferris Bueller's Day Off is, in the words of the immortal Richard Roeper, "a story about a young man trying to help his friend gain some measure of self-worth. . . to show [him] that the whole world in front of him is passing him by, and that life can be pretty sweet if you wake up and embrace it."

B) Ferris Bueller's Day Off is the story of a privileged narcissistic sociopath who will lie and manipulate just to have a good time. Its story is a complete moral inversion, with Ferris as the "good guy," and dedicated, if exasperated, civil servant principal Rooney as the de jure "bad guy." It's status as a perceived classic of 80's teen comedy only goes to show how cunning a deceiver Ferris really is.

C) Ferris Bueller is not a sociopath because, fundamentally, he is not a character at all-- he is an idea, a cipher onto which the film's teenage audience can graft their own selves. His world is not our world, but the world as we see it as adolescents, one of arbitrary rules imposed on those seeking only to enjoy life to its fullest. To hold Ferris Bueller up to the moral standards of our real world is absurd, and misses the point altogether.

D) It was all in Cameron's head.

E) Bueller?

DC Comics to Publish Sailor Moon Reboot. . . With Some Interesting Ideas

UPDATE: The links to the DC Comics website appear to be broken. I'm trying to find another link as we speak.

I really don't know what to make of what I've just read.

DC Comics has announced that they've bought the rights to Sailor Moon, and that they'll be launching a new reboot series through their Vertigo Comics line. The new comic, for now simply titled "Sailor Moon," has a planned launch date in September 2010. The comic will be written by John Geoffries and illustrated by Jack Lopez and Phil Ivans.

Now, I'm not a comics fan, so those names mean nothing to me, but apparently, from some of the comics websites I've glanced through since learning about this, their previous work has not been well regarded-- they were the same team that created what's considered to be one of the most despised titles in recent memory, the (so I've heard) disastrous limited series DC superhero team-up debacle "Final Countdown".

So, as you can imagine, I was not thrilled to learn that these guys are going to be involved with the Sailor Moon reboot. Hell, I wasn't all that pleased with the idea of an American comics reboot to begin with-- this other news is just salt on the wound. I quickly realized that the situation is worse than that.

Far worse.

John Geoffries recently gave an interview, available on the DC Comics website, outlining the approach he plans to take with the franchise reboot. You can read through the whole thing if you really want to-- these are just the highlights.

Geoffries starts by assuring fans that the source material is safe in his capable hands:

Look, let's face it. Sailor Moon. . . yeah, it has a following. Yeah, it. . . it's. . . a lot of kids got into anime and manga because of Sailor Moon. It's got a huge following. But, it's. . . you know, at the same time, it ain't exactly Watchmen, either. I mean, this was basically a dumb, you know, bimbo, who couldn't walk from here to there with tripping over herself and who, uh, always needed her friends to get her out of trouble. Like, every time. Every time there was a monster. . . and there was always a monster, they were up to their elbows in monsters in Tokyo judging, you know, by how they always happened to run into them. . . every time she was called on to fight, she would cry, or run away, or get her ass kicked and her friends and Tuxedo Mask would have to swoop in and save her. Now, uh. . . I, uh, I don't think kids will buy that anymore.

Looks like the guy didn't even bother to read Takeuchi's original manga, where, if anything, it was Sailor Moon who always had to save the other senshi. And yes, in the manga, she did trip all over herself. . . in the beginning, after which she became more capable and comfortable in her role.

But that's not the really horrible part. Oh no. This is where it really gets bad.

If you look at the manga, and the anime. . . Look, I'll just say it. They're white. All of them. White girls in Japan, with Japanese names and everything. There's this term, uh, this Japanese term that they use to refer to this, where they blame it, or I guess, explain it in terms of deliberate, uh, ambiguity when it comes to race. But that's bulls***, total bull. They're white. And that seems to be pretty common in a lot of anime and manga.

(snip)

So, what happens, then, when you got a white hero, living in Japan, where, you know, there are signs that say no non-Japanese allowed on a lot of the restaurant doors. It, uh, it recontextualizes things a bit doesn't it?

"Recontextualizes things a bit, doesn't it?"

Gee, I seem to remember READING THAT SOMEWHERE!

Oh, and rest assured, it is not a coincidence.

Once we started with that idea, all these other ideas fell into place. We can't divulge too much, but we're definitely gonna take a more, er, more realistic track.

(snip)

Here you have Ami, whose got 300 IQ but is still dicking around in junior high. We're gonna take a different approach with her.

(snip)

We also have Rei, who was, you know, the traditionalist. How do think she's gonna react to a white Sailor Moon basically, sort of, giving her all the orders?

(snip)

We're gonna take a more, you know, Memento approach to Tuxedo Mask as well. Show the consequences of his brain injury more, uh, more, uh, detailed than the manga did.

(snip)

The Negaverse, or Dark Kingdom I guess, or whatever, is definitely played out. We'll be going our way as far as the villain goes.

Motherfuckers.

Motherfuckers stole my ideas. Not only that, they made them look completely idiotic!

I am so incredibly angry and saddened right now. I'm so angry that I could almost. . . check the date.

Coming Soon. . .to Sailor Moon: The Movie!

Like I said earlier, I've been working on a large part of the Sailor Moon script these past couple of weeks. In addition to my usual marking load, I've been delayed by work I'm putting into a skit for Japanese class. I'd like to say that the next part will be up after this weekend, and I will be putting in some effort then, but I can't really make any promises.

But I can give a sneak peak. A sneak peek that's only slightly accurate, heavily sarcastic, woefully insifficient, and probably a waste of your time, but one which nonetheless contains some very small indication of what's to come, though in ways which will only make sense once you've read the script.

So. . .Enjoy?


*************************************************************************************

SEMPAI

Oh yeah, there were like, two, thr-- FIVE of them. American GI's-- I mean, Marines. Yeah, that's it. Marines. Huge black guys with gang tattoos.

GIRL

Not gang tattoos! Those are the meanest tattoos of all! Meaner than pirate tattoos!

SEMPAI

So I'm like 'we gonna settle this Yankee?' and that's when one of 'em, the biggest one in the group, sucker punches me right in the eye like a pussy, and that's how I got this baby right here (points to black eye). But I didn't even flinch. Just stood there all lookin' like 'that all you got? Shoulda brought an Abrahms, bitches'.

GIRL

Gosh. I wonder if EVERYTHING is as big as this black eye? Oh golly! I just made my first innuendo! I could simply faint from all this excitement!

************************************************************************************

PUNK

Why do you not like my cousin?

UMINO

What? I don't know your--

PUNK produces a handful of fried shrimp.

PUNK

Does THIS remind you of anything?

UMINO

That's. . . That's my lunch!

PUNK

To you, it's lunch. To my cousin, who's ALLERGIC to mollusks, crustaceans and echinoderms, THIS is crunchy, greasy DEATH!

UMINO

I swear, I didn't--

PUNK

No, you DIDN'T know. You didn't CARE. YOU were too SHELLFISH-- ahem, pardon me-- SELFISH to care.

*************************************************************************************

USAGI

You see, there was this dead cat!

TEACHER

Dead cat you say?

USAGI

Yeah!

HORATIO CANE

Looks like her nine lives. . .

(puts on sunglasses)

. . . just ran out.

THE WHO

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

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RITSUKO AKAGI

Her aim is quite good.

MISAGO KATSURAGI

Yes. She always obeys her orders, never questions, never objects. I suspect that's how she gets by in life.

REI HINO

Aim. Point. Shoot. Aim. Point. Shoot.

BACKGROUND MUSIC

Fry me to the moon. And ret me pray among da staaaahs. . . .
*************************************************************************************

Yup. I bet I totally whetted your appetite with all that.