Let it never be said that nothing good can come from watching Caligula. . .

So, yeah, I'm suddenly into ballet.

There's no turning back now. . . at least not without a $200 cancellation fee.

For some, this first bit will be old news. I've purchased my plane ticket and will be off to Japan on the ninth of July! I'll be heading down to Vancouver early that week to make sure that everything has gone well with the visa, as well as to visit family before my departure.

Naturally, I'll be updating this blog with tales of great adventure in the land of the rising sun*. For such an undertaking, mere text will not do. So, yesterday, I bought a camera, and decided to test it out last night. I'm pretty pleased with it so far. Below is a picture of the view from the deck of our house. It looks much better if you click on it, but be warned, it is huge (4000x3000 pixels-- I forgot to set the camera to lower resolution before taking this photo).



But what I really wanted to try was video uploading-- yes, my camera takes video. It's capable of HD quality, but for my purposes, I'll be filming at lower quality. Below is a video of my cat, Cedric. At midrange quality (640x480), this two minute video takes up ~150 Mb of data and took over twenty minutes to upload to YouTube. Unfortunately, the quality of the YouTube video is not quite up to par with the original file, but I guess that's to be expected.

Anyway, here's Cedric!



Am I getting sentimental about home already? Yeah, maybe. . .

*I even considered starting a new blog, "Doin' the Nihon Go Go!", just for that purpose, but then I realized it's hard enough maintaining one blog, and ultimately decided against it.

Birthday Blogging

Reasons Why I Should Write a "Happy Birthday" Blog Entry for Naomi #1: It's Naomi's 22nd Birthday Today



. . . well, not really. Your actual, sixth birthday won't come until 2012, as I revealed two years ago. But we'll celebrate today to keep up appearances.

And celebrate we shall, with the greatest birthday present of them all: Star Trek jokes!



First, a few installments of Gazorra's "TNG edits" series:















Next, a few Star Trek "episodes in brief" from Tranchera, like "TNG edits" only a little less weird. The first is particularly fitting:














Some random trek humor. The first is a birthday message from Picard to Gene Roddenberry:











Incidentally, is it weird that I imagine Dr. Tomoe being played by Geroge Takei?

Gordon Ramsay Can Cook a Mean Lobster Spaghetti. . .

. . . but can he cook LIFE ITSELF?

Via Pharyngula, famous chef Julia Child cooks up a primordial soup.



Mmm mmm good.

A Bonus:

The Must See Movie of the Summer!

Movies have not been good to me this summer. The last movie I saw in a theatre was Terminator: Salvation, which I liked but everyone else hated. The last movie I saw before that was Star Trek, which I hated but everyone else loved. So while I've been questioning my own taste in movies, as well as the tastes of those around me, I've been avoiding trips to the cinema. (My thesis also had more than a little to do with that, but that's another story).

I thought I was through with summer movies. . . until I saw the trailer posted below. I knew that there was a movie about to be released by the producers of Independence Day based on the 2012 disater myth, but I had no interest in seeing it, mainly because, well, it's a disaster movie from the producers of Independence Day. But having seen this trailer, I'm now convinced that it may just worth seeing after all. . .



P.S. Seriously, though, I am looking forward to District 9. I just hope they don't fuck up the story and ideas with excessive, pointless action.

Miyuu Afterwards, or, YOU USED TO BE SAILOR MOON, GODDAMMIT!!!

Click here. You'll find a video. Don't worry, it won't take too much of your time.

Did you notice the tiny woman on the left about ten seconds in? You know, the one showing off the latest in Japanese corporate homogenization, performing a modeling task one or two small steps above that of your typical Sears mannequin?

Look at it again, if you missed it.

You'd never guess that woman used to be Sailor Moon. You know, one of the most popular Japanese heros of all time.

And now she's pitching suits.

Okay, okay, you're thinking "It's not that bad." (Or "Christ, here he goes with Miyuu Fucking Sawai again. Get a girlfriend, you fucking loser.") It's certainly not the lowest to which Miyuu Sawai has ever stooped. I already showed you the PGSM toy commercials, but even that's not so bad, she was the star of her own TV show at the time.

But the next thing I'm going to show you. . . there's just no excuse.

Just in case it doesn't show, here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ar7ZRoeYJKY

This commercial, first aired in 2007, did indeed star the one and only Homer Simpson. . . in Miyuu Sawai's mouth. The saddest thing is that as weird as this commercial is, it doesn't even have the benefit of being that unique, Japanese sort of weird. It's a bland, commercialist, acultural, boring kind of weird.

But it's not even the corporate aspect that bugs me. I mean, there are plenty of successful actors who do commercials. Like this one:

Denny Crane.

Sure, the Commodore Vic-20 has "a real computer keyboard," but that's not what made it "The Wonder Computer of the 1980s" TM.

No, it was William Shatner. By mere whim, Shatner took some hunk of ugly plastic with a five kilobyte memory and declared that for the remainder of an entire decade, no other computer shall surpass it Wonder-ness. He made the Vic-20.

And that's the difference. The Vic-20 commercial was really an advertisement not of a computer, but of the awesomeness that is Shatner. It's really his way of saying "I made it."

On the other hand, Sawai's commercials seem like a retreat back to anonymity. In both cases she's secondary to the product. The suit commercial's focus is on the spokeswoman, who in turn is directing the viewer's attention not to Sawai but to her clothes. The donut commercial features an extreme close-up of Sawai's visage, and even then, even then, she's upstaged by a freakin' cartoon. IN HER OWN MOUTH!

The weird thing is, before a couple of days ago, I thought I had made peace with donut commercial. The year 2008 was relatively good for Sawai. She landed a small roll in the film Shaolin Girl, a Japanese pseudo-sequel to Shaolin Soccer. She also co-hosted an educational series for NHK called "French TV" (at least I think that's how it translates), which as its name suggests is focused on teaching French to Japanese speakers. I would have loved to have found some clips from the show, but so far I've not had any luck.

On top of this, she did a few TV guest roles. My favourite out of all of these-- and the one for which it was easiest to get clips-- was her appearance as a bicycle delivery girl on the series Tomika Hero Rescue Force, a show that manages to make PGSM look subtle and restrained by comparison.

The episode was uploaded in three parts; I've put up the second part below. The best scene starts at about seven minutes in.

For whatever reason, that scene always reminds me this classic movie moment:

While some people-- those lacking vision-- would call that bike leap scene moronic, you can't deny that it's a huge step up from smuggling an amorphous pirated copy of The Simpson's Movie inside one's mouth. And you can't deny that that clothing ad was a step down. Unless you're talking in terms of good taste, in which case, why are you reading this blog?

I don't know quite how to close this entry in any logical way, so I'll just conclude with another reference to Yor: The Hunter from the Future.

Star Wars. . . Nothing but Star Wars . . . Give me Those Star Wars. . . Don't let them E-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-end!*

I'm in my mom's office, pissing away reading break and waiting for word on our cat Cedric, who's undergoing balldectomy getting neutered at I speak. To pass the time (which I could've been spending doing marking. . . or something-- anything-- out in the open air) I thought I'd write about the lastest bit of space news I've come across.

Sometime last night, while the rest of the western hemisphere stood in the freezing air waiting for a lunar eclipse, the US Navy shot down one of its own country's spy satellites. The satellite was in a decaying orbit, and some believed that it might be able to partially survive re-entry and crash somewhere on Earth--more specifically, somewhere on Earth that's Russia, China, North Korea, or Iran. There's also speculation that the spy satellite contains large amounts of unconsumed hydrazine rocket fuel, which might pose an environmental hazard (indeed, the fact that the fuel was unconsumed, and hence unable to laung the satellite to higher orbit and greater velocity, might explain why it is falling in the first place).

Naturally, the United States government is keeping mum about this whole affair. After all, government and military secrets are at stake, and besides, the whole thing is so embarrasing that. . . oh look, the Department of Defence posted a video of the Navy blowing up the satellite:



Apparently, the cloud of gas that appears after the explosion was indeed unburned hydrazine, according to a spectral analysis.

Now, I can understand the DOD posting the video in order to quell the public's worries of, how shall I put it, a KILLER FUCKING SATELLITE:



But, being the paranoid sort that I am, I couldn't help but wonder if there was something else going on here. Then I remembered that China, just one month ago, also blew up a satellite with a ground-based missile:

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- China last week successfully used a missile to destroy an orbiting satellite, U.S. government officials told CNN on Thursday, in a test that could undermine relations with the West and pose a threat to satellites important to the U.S. military.

According to a spokesman for the National Security Council, the ground-based, medium-range ballistic missile knocked an old Chinese weather satellite from its orbit about 537 miles above Earth. The missile carried a "kill vehicle" and destroyed the satellite by ramming it.

The test took place on January 11. (There was a link to a video here, but I cut it out. You can find it at the main site.)

Aviation Week and Space Technology first reported the test: "Details emerging from space sources indicate that the Chinese Feng Yun 1C (FY-1C) polar orbit weather satellite launched in 1999 was attacked by an asat (anti-satellite) system launched from or near the Xichang Space Center."

A U.S. official, who would not agree to be identified, said the event was the first successful test of the missile after three failures.

The official said that U.S. "space tracking sensors" confirmed that the satellite is no longer in orbit and that the collision produced "hundreds of pieces of debris," that also are being tracked.

So. . . is all of this just an outer space pissing contest between China and the United States? Are we about to enter a new Cold War in Earth orbit? The U.S. has issued diplomatic protests, and President Bush has been waving that little of sabre of his over issues of American outer space policy for some time now:

The United States logged a formal diplomatic protest.

"We are aware of it and we are concerned, and we made it known," White House spokesman Tony Snow said.

Several U.S. allies, including Canada and Australia, have also registered protests, and the Japanese government said it was worrisome.

"Naturally, we are concerned about it from the viewpoint of security as well as peaceful use of space," said Yashuhisa Shiozaki, chief cabinet secretary. He said Japan has asked the Chinese government for an explanation.

Britain has complained about lack of consultation before the test and potential damage from the debris it left behind, The Associated Press reported.

The United States has been able to bring down satellites with missiles since the mid-1980s, according to a history of ASAT programs posted on the Union of Concerned Scientists Web site. In its own test, the U.S. military knocked a satellite out of orbit in 1985.

Under a space policy authorized by President Bush in August, the United States asserts a right to "freedom of action in space" and says it will "deter others from either impeding those rights or developing capabilities intended to do so."

The policy includes the right to "deny, if necessary, adversaries the use of space capabilities hostile to U.S. national interests."

Low Earth-orbit satellites have become indispensable for U.S. military communications, GPS navigation for smart bombs and troops, and for real-time surveillance. The Chinese test highlights the satellites' vulnerability.

"If we, for instance, got into a conflict over Taiwan, one of the first things they'd probably do would be to shoot down all of our lower Earth-orbit spy satellites, putting out our eyes," said John Pike of globalsecurity.org, a Web site that compiles information on worldwide security issues.

"The thing that is surprising and disturbing is that [the Chinese] have chosen this moment to demonstrate a military capability that can only be aimed at the United States," he said.

Again, maybe I'm being paranoid, but isn't it also strange that just a month later, the U.S. destroys one of it's own satellites, for all the world to see?

But Anyway. . . as long as you're here, read My Story II and give me some input, dammit! I plan to do this for money and acclaim and girls one day!

Links:

Bad Astronomy Blog Article

BBC Online Article on Spy Satellite

CNN Online Article on Chinese Missile Launch


*The title is based on Bill Murray's "Star Wars Song" from the early years of Saturday Night Live. I couldn't find the original clip, but I did find this video by DickSharpe80 which has the song on it.

This Man. . .

. . . is where Stratocasters go to die.

Courtesy of Pharyngula. No, really. Thanks.

The Greatest Political Ad Your Sorry Asses Will EVAR See!

. . . which isn't saying much, I'll admit. Still, this ad from Republican Mike Huckabee beats Hillary Clinton's pathetic Sopranos parody by a long shot.

Chuck Norris' endorsements of Democratic presidential candidates cure cancer. Too bad he's. . . oh, never mind!

Sometimes, You Just Need to Slow Down and Take a Look Around. . .

. . . and sometimes, you need a high-speed camera to do it for you.

For instance, have you ever wondered how a popped balloon actually pops? Well, wonder no more!

While we're on the subject of popping. . . what about popcorn?

Some gunshots:

A lighter:

Welding(The light is an electric arc between welder and metal, and the what looks like a waving cloth is actually molten metal):

Atomic bomb explosions(try to ignore the music):

And finally. . . well, see for yourself.

$100,000,000

In response to my last post, Naomi said:

hahahahahah wow. As if that isn't bad enough, their reunion tour is supposed to gross over $100 000 000.

$100,000,000. Really? Well then. . .

But methinks this is all part of a plan:

Just replace "Get the warhead" with "Launch a Spice Girls concert" and you get the idea.

This is the end. . .

Ladies and, well, A.J., I present to you the long awaited return of. . . The Spice Girls!

Or, as I prefer to think of it:

Perhaps more to the point:

Yeah, like that, only cause by five girls from an island nation.

I got it!

Yup. Somehow that pretty much sums up how I feel right about now.

Rick Steves: Cooler Than I Thought

Does anyone else besides me know who Rick Steves is?



For the uninitiated, Rick Steves is a travel writer and host of the PBS series Rick Steves' Europe, which I used to watch semi-religiously back when I was learning German and so wanted to visit the Fatherland.

Until quite recently, my assessment of his cool was pretty well summed up by the picture above. No tool by any means, but not someone you'd especially want to talk to at a party (though admittedly, I have only been to three parties in my life, two of them before the age of ten. . .). Well, appearances can be deceiving. Seems that spending a third of his adult life in Europe has turned Mr. Steves into a marijuana advocate. Below I've posted a video of his recent appearance at a Seattle pro-pot festival. A warning: It's long, roughly nine minutes.

UPDATE: A thought just occurred to me. . . maybe the guy who posts Japanese toy commercials on his blog should not try to judge how cool people are.

Miyuu is an Angel in Disguise. . . LOOK INTO MY EYES!

Much as I love Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon, I can still be honest about it. Like all children's shows, it is designed to sell toys. Most kids, at some level, understand that. However, for the slower, denser bunch, further measures may be neccessary. Thus, I present to you, courtesy of the Toei corporation, Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon toy commericials, starring the unreasonably lovely Miyuu Sawai:

Sailor Moon Heart Moon Brooch and Moonlight Stick

Sailor Moon Makeup/Jewelery Set

Sailor Moon Henshin Phone

Sailor Moon Stationary Set

Sailor Moon Princess Harp

Sailor Moon Colouring Desk

Sailor Moon Henshin Dress-up

PLUS, act now and get these two pre-Sailor Moon Miyuu Sawai commercials absolutely free!

I See a Red (Chinese) Moon a Risin'. . .

Hello, Both of My Readers. . .

This one's gonna be kind of a hodgepodge post-- a bit of world news, a bit of personal news, and a funny video. Because what's Kyle Took a Bullet For Me without a funny video?

Nothing.

Anyway. . . first, a bit of interesting news. It looks like China is planning to put an unmanned spacecraft in lunar orbit by the end of this year. The orbiter's purpose is to take three dimensional images of lunar surface. If successful, the Chinese hope to make an unmanned landing by 2012, with a manned landing to follow at some unspecified date.

I actually really like the idea of a Chinese moon mission. First off, I'm kind of a lapsing space junkie, so any plans to send human beings more than four hundred miles from Earth's surface will automatically peak my interest. Second, I would really love for the Chinese to one-up President Bush and his plans to re-establish a U.S. presence on the Moon. Third, well. . .



She's Sailor Moon! And she's Asian! That can't be a coincidence!

Okay, that was a little off. But what's Kyle Took a Bullet For Me without a blatant allusion to the live action Sailor Moon series?

Nothing.

Anyway. . . The second thing I wanted to mention was that the research paper I co-authored has finally been published. The paper is titled "Quantum Mechanical Versus Semiclassical Tunneling and Decay", and was researched and written by Dr. Mark R.A. Shegelski, Jeff Hynbida, and myself. As I mentioned in my last post, I hope to write a summary of the paper in a future post. For now, if you're actually interested enough to want to read the paper, it's in the June 2007 issue of the American Journal of Phyics, which by now you're likely to find in the UNBC library.

Finally, a video for probably the coolest song I've heard this week. Enjoy!

Three Simple Words. . .

Hallo alles.

I'm planning on writing a new entry on the research that I worked on last summer-- as some of you already know, I co-authored a paper scheduled to be published in the American Journal of Physics sometime between May and September.

But for now, I give you something completely random and occasionally hilarious, courtesy of Angelfirebabe at Youtube. Even though there are three videos, they're all very short-- the longest is under a minute and a half-- so it won't take up too much of your precious time. Enjoy!

Part I

Part II

Part III

Metal is Stronger Than Ice...

What's more, this slaughter of innocent (would-be) Americans, supposedly carried out by Ice-lamic terrorists, was used two years later as justification for one of the worst wars in American history (even though there was no connection between radical Ice-lamism and the German government!)!

I'll show myself out.

I Can't Wait for Turkish Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon

What I'm about to show you may well be the stuff of legend. Six film classics, one amazing cinematic tradition. They are:

Turkish Star Trek
Turkish Star Wars
Turkish Wizard of Oz
Turkish E.T.
Turkish Superman
Turkish Exorcist

These aren't parodies of American films, nor are they really films themselves. Most of them simply rip off footage from American movies and spice in scenes with Turkish actors. I assure you that I have been assured that these are real Turkish films released in the 1970's and 1980's. Apparently, Turkey was in a period of tremendous political upheaval, so it was difficult to import actual American films (from Wikipedia). As a compromise, well, we got this.

First, Turkish Star Trek:

This is the first part of Turist Ömer Uzay Yolunda. This was released in 1973 as part of the popular comedy film series Turist Ömer (the last part, incedentally), so this one actually was a parody. Still, if you saw for the first time, you'd think it was a rip off. You can watch all nine parts on YouTube at your discretion, and you can read more about it here.

Turkish Star Wars:

These are the beginning (sorry about the French subtitles) and ending scenes of Dünyayı Kurtaran Adam. I especially like the inclusion of Disco Battlestar Galactica. It gives it a ring of authenticity. You can read about it here and here, and if you really want, you can watch the whole frakkin' thing on Google Video.

Turkish Wizard of Oz:

Read about it here and here.

Turkish E.T.

Read about it here.

Turkish Superman:

Turkish Exorcist:

You can read more about this one here.

Finally, I'll show you a video made by a single visionary, Albert Wikowonkavitz, trying to revive this brilliant cinematic legacy. Enjoy!

Yet tragically, he has never cried. . .

Remember Chuck Norris Facts TM.? Here one of them:

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

And here's Mr. Norris' response:

It’s funny. It’s cute. But here’s what I really think about the theory of evolution: It’s not real. It is not the way we got here. In fact, the life you see on this planet is really just a list of creatures God has allowed to live. We are not creations of random chance. We are not accidents.

This was, I believe, part of Mr. Norris' very first column on the right-wing website WorldNutDaily (I've linked to an archive of his columns). I was reminded of this little episode of his by this video, which I found on Pharyngula:

Of course, after seeing this, I scoured YouTube to find more videos of He-Whose-Tears-Cure-Cancer making a right-wing ass of himself. Instead. . . I FOUND THIS!

In case you forget. . . It's Chuck. . . Norris!

Want more? Of coruse you do.

Women! Keep your virtue! Know your limits!